lying 7 year old

dejaNovember 27, 2006

i am at my wits end with my child lying. i have tried talking to her sending her to her room taking t.v. away and grounding her from playing with friends but she keeps doing it anyone have any suggestions on how to break this habbit before she gets any older and it really gets out of hand?

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momj47

What is she lying about? Is she lying to protect herself from serious punishment or just lying about anything and everything? Is it a big lie or a "white lie"?

    Bookmark   November 27, 2006 at 11:07PM
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carla35

Sometimes kids think lying is more like a telling a joke. Could she be thinking that she's joking -- like does she tell you it's snowing outside when it's 80 degrees out and then laugh? Or, does she tell you grandma's at the door when she's not? Maybe she just wants some extra attention. Is there a new baby or anything new in your life lately?

Have you tried reading or telling her the story about the boy who cried wolf? I think sometimes we tell our kids "no" so often but tend to forget to explain to them why. Does she understand "why" she shouldn't lie?

It's hard to tell what may be going on without knowing what type of lies she's telling (Ditto what momj47 asked).

    Bookmark   November 28, 2006 at 10:08AM
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trekaren

Every kid tests the waters at some point.

I used the same strategy my dad did.

First the rule, which I began reciting to her.
You will always get into more trouble for lying than for telling the truth, no matter what the truth is.

Then every time I caught her in a lie, she got punishment. Usually severe enough to raise her attention. Like a whole week of grounding. She rides horses, and I discussed with her instructor, that lying forfeited her riding for the week.

The grounding from riding seemed to have the most impact. We had to do it twice. And then she seemed to learn to quit it.

OH and I would also praise her for telling the truth if it was a hard truth (such as, Mom, I accidentally broke something or Mom, I spilled lemonade on the carpet).

    Bookmark   November 29, 2006 at 9:55AM
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popi_gw

Think about "why" she could be lying, what was happening pre-ceding the lie ?

That might give you some clues and coping strategies.

Good luck.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2006 at 8:39PM
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lindac

It's possible to "make" a kid lie by asking them "did you do this" ovr and over when you know veryw ell they did.
I find that when kids are at "that age"..old enough to know they are not telling the truth but not old enough to really have a concience, that not giving them an opportunity to lie is the best. For example, if the child is alone in a room and suddenly a lamp crashes to the floor, don't ask "did you do that?"...you know darn well he/she did...just proceed with the yelling and punishment.
Linda C

    Bookmark   November 29, 2006 at 10:56PM
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sarajk28

My daughter is now 7, and told me a whopper of a lie just a few days before her birthday. I have no idea how many times prior she had done this, but she had some poor timing with the last one: I felt I couldn't "give" her a birthday party after this behavior (we aren't talking a broken lamp here) and cancelled it. To the best of my knowledge, she hasn't lied since. I have also changed my approach, in that I take her to her room, tell her I will want to talk to her about whatever it is, and remind her that I will always punish her more for lying to me than I would have otherwise. I leave her alone for a few minutes, then go in to talk to her.

Other than that, I find Linda C's approach works pretty darn well also!

    Bookmark   December 7, 2006 at 5:10AM
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popi_gw

A lie is just a way of covering up a mistake, would you agree ?

Mistakes...are part of life, and we learn from mistakes.

If the child knows that they won't be "clobbered" if they tell the truth about a situation, then an environmnent of truthfullness will be created, where learning, and moving on can be the result.

I try to stick to this.

Popi

    Bookmark   December 8, 2006 at 8:36PM
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trekaren

So I can tell you that this is something you have to stay vigilant on.

DD spent the weekend grounded from having any friends over, or going over to friend's house, because last week, she told her father her homework was done, so she could go next door and play with my neighbor's daughter. And ended up having to scramble the next morning to finish a pile of math homework.

I chose grounding from friend-time since that was what her goal was, with her fibbing.

And she had two of her best pals want to play yesterday, and so I got to drive the point home twice. Her lie about being done with her homework was a choice; and next time she can hopefully recall her weekend spent with no friend playtime, to help her make a better choice next time.

    Bookmark   December 11, 2006 at 8:42AM
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momj47

deja are you still there, did this help at all? You've been pretty silent during this conversation.

    Bookmark   December 14, 2006 at 6:13PM
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