I need advice

helpwiththisNovember 4, 2007

This is very difficult. The other day I found out that my 10 year old daughter did some disturbing things with another 10 year old girl. They were playing in my daughters room with the door open when this occurred. The friend had went home and I found a bra on my daughters bed that was not my daughters. When I asked her where it came from she broke down and with some prying I got the story out of her. Her friend suggested some innappropriate "games" that included taking shirts off, kissing with tongue, and touching their bottoms.

I cried, lectured my daughter, and then marched her right over to the other girls home and told them what had happened! The other girls parents were not shocked!!!!! They then told me that another child had "played" this game with their daughter 2 years ago and they thought it would not occur again. I told them that my husband and I decided it was best that they do not play again. They agreed.

I am so upset about this situation and we do not know how to deal with it. My daughter said the other girl initiated this game, and the other girl admitted it. I expressed to my daughter that she should know better than to let this type of game occur. She even admitted to knowing it was wrong, but was just doing what her "friend" wanted.

Any suggestions???????????????????

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Clearly, this is upsetting, but I think you've made your point with your daughter. Take a deep breath and let it rest now. Don't "beat her up" about this, especially blaming her any more for what has happened. She may come and talk to you in a few months about this event, she may not, but if you harangue and nag her and spy on her, I can assure you, she'll never talk to you about anything and she'll make sure she's never at home with her friends again.

Good luck.

    Bookmark   November 5, 2007 at 4:43PM
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This kind of "exploration" between same gender friends is not all that unusual. I'm not quite sure why it takes place, I have no personal history to draw from, I just know that it sometimes does. Curiosity, physical changes, emotional shifts? I suspect that girl/girl boy/boy experimentation may feel a lot safer that boy/girl encounters. I don't think it has much effect on one's sexual orientation. Let it go. You might want to look for some books on "growing up" to share and discuss together. I got this one for my daughter:
The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls (American Girl Library) by Valorie Schaefer and Norm Bendell (Paperback - Sep 1998)

There was another that escapes me about relationships and friendships that I thought was really well done. I'll look for it tonight at home.

    Bookmark   November 6, 2007 at 5:38PM
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Here is a link to the other book.

Here is a link that might be useful: A Girl's Life Guide...

    Bookmark   November 7, 2007 at 12:26PM
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I'm not suggesting this is true in your case, but children that are molested will sometimes act out and repeat the act with someone else. There is also a lot of normal curiosity at that age as well. My best advice it to keep the lines of communication open with her and not make her feel guilty so she will be comfortable coming to you in the future.

    Bookmark   November 20, 2007 at 5:19PM
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