Disengaging, disassociating, disgusted...
My mother... I love my mother. But I really think she's toxic for me.
I called my grandmother with my daughter on the line, so that we could wish her a happy birthday. The phone was on speaker, and there was a bad connection. But DD9 and I could hear my mother pick up the phone, "hello..." and then she started talking to me, saying "that's right, Silver, you play your little games, etc" in a really nasty, cold, angry voice.
I was so shocked. I said a few things like "hello... are you there... hello" and it was evident she couldn't hear me.
Finally I hung up. I didn't know what to do. DD asked me what happened with BIG eyes and I told her I thought something was wrong with the phone. I asked her if she heard what Grandma said and she said "yes, but I don't understand". I called back, and my mother was saying the same things, as if she thought I were prank calling or something.
Then the phone rang, and it was my grandmother. A lot of people were in the background (the whole family was at her house for her birthday). We spoke with her and everything sounded great.
The next day I got an email from my mom asking if DD could come to my mother's for the holidays, and saying my grandmother still had phone issues. No indication of her helping to pay the plane fare, and I've paid the last three times DD has gone out there. She signed the email: Your Mother.
I wrote back and told her that we already have plans, and that I was sorry Gma was still having phone issues, that it sounded like there was a lot of nasty backtalk the last time we called. Juvenile? Perhaps. I didn't know how to say it and I didn't want her to think I hadn't heard. She wrote back and said to enjoy the holidays, and signed it: your mother.
We've had a lot of issues in the past. I pretty much disconnected with her four years ago, but still allow DD to have a relationship independent of me because it's her grandmother.
Do you think the first week in November is a good time to inquire about Christmas plans or do you think that's a little late in the game?
What would you say if you had heard your mother talking ### about you?
What do I do? I'm so angry with her, I'm extremely hurt and if this is the way she is talking about me I really don't want DD there.
Mostly I'm confused.