Need advice about mean girls

beacheNovember 17, 2004

My almost 9 year old DD loves to dance. She's done it since she was 2 and this year was invited to join the competition group. This group takes extra classes and then after the New Year dances in competitions against other groups from around our region. It's a lot of work and challenging for her. She loves it! Well, the dancing part anyway.

The problem: Each year only a few new girls are added to the group. This year the number was 3. The already existing group has been dancing together for at least a year now, if not more. They are not friendly to the new girls anyway, but they are outright mean to my DD. It's amazing to see these 8 & 9 year old little snobs and how mean they can be. They roll their eyes when my DD is approaching them. They point and laugh when she is up dancing alone. They exclude her from all conversations. Yesterday when we were walking into the class, one of them said "Oh no, here comes Dina" (name changed). Luckily my DD didn't hear them. All of this is done when the teacher is busy changing music or whatever. They are very sneaky.

I just don't know how to handle this situation. The mothers of these girls treat us newcomers badly too. We are ignored, info is kept from us purposely, etc. Guess the girls learned it from the moms.

I've been telling my DD to just concentrate on the dancing and ignore them, but it's hard. Should I just let things go as they are and hope that they accept her later on? Should I go to the teacher and/or owner and voice my concerns? I mean, they can't force these girls to be friends with my kid, and I'm afraid I'll make things worse.

What would you do?

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Vickey__MN

Are you paying for these classes? THen you shouldn't be left out of information, demand the info and that you be kept current. The instuctor also knows how the girls treat each other, point it out so they watch if they don't see it! The three new girls need to band together. Stand up for your daughter, but also to the business. Make the owner aware of your concerns.

Vickey-MN

    Bookmark   November 17, 2004 at 9:08AM
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lindac

I agree....but be aware that in a year things will be different...
Little girls are awful.....but they are also fickle and the tune changes often!
Who ever it was that said little girls are "Sugar and spice and everything nice" didn't really know little girls!
Linda C

    Bookmark   November 18, 2004 at 11:00PM
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jamielovescoffee__az

I would consider looking at other studios. I've seen it first hand--exactly what you describe. Like you, I'm convinced the snotty girls get their attitude from snotty mothers. My DD (10) has also been dancing for years at a studio I just love. Most of the parents are really nice and the girls seem to get along well. After 7 years we decided to change her to a new studio because we moved and the commute was killing us (you know how many classes a week these girls take when they LOVE to dance). Anyway, the new studio is exactly the way you described. OMG! It is ridiculous. The girls aren't mean to my DD, but they basically ignore her. And the mothers seem to view new dancers as "competition" for their precious prima donnas. UGH! I bet they are withholding information from you to put your DD at some kind of a disadvantage. Had I not witnessed this kind of thing for myself I would have never even thought of that. Trust me, not all studios are this way. We are seriously thinking abouting going back to the old studio. Good luck--I hope you find a way to resolve the situation. In my case, I don't think talking to the teachers or owner would even do any good because it is the whole ugly atmosphere that would need to change and they have plenty of people willing pay for it and put up with it, maybe even thrive on it.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2004 at 12:55AM
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beache

Thanks for the input!

We've graduated from outright nastiness to my DD just being ignored. An improvement!

I actually did talk to the owner (who also teaches). She said it happens all the time at all age levels. She agrees it comes from the mothers. But her attitude was that there's not much to be done about it. They will try to keep an eye out for this behavior, blah blah.

She was very angry though about information being withheld from the mothers. Apparently someone in her office let the nasty mothers create a handout on the office computer, but the owner knew nothing about it. I'm confident that she did address that, and who knows, maybe the snotty attitudes were brought up too.

We'll see how it goes when we all go away together for competitions.

    Bookmark   December 13, 2004 at 4:18PM
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anrsaz

How about calling the girls on it? Mothers there or not. Maybe the mothers will take note as well. The teacher needs to use some authority and say what is tolerated and what is not and if the mothers are doing it as well, the teacher should step in. It's her class. But I can only assume the almighty dollar will prevail at any cost.

    Bookmark   December 14, 2004 at 10:35AM
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jamielovescoffee__az

You said it exactly annelis. The owner knows about the problem yet allows it to persist. At the dance studio my DD just moved from (the good one), they teach respect and discipline and the girls are EXPECTED to conduct themselves accordingly,and they DO. It's as simple as that. At the new studio (like beaches studio), the bad behavior of the mothers and their daughters is tolerated by the "powers that be" so it just becomes the "way things are".

Good luck with your DD's competitions. We still have not decided whether or not we will go back to the old studio.

Jamie

    Bookmark   December 15, 2004 at 12:51AM
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beache

Well, I know for sure that something was done. My DD says that the girls seemed nicer this week. Plus when one of the moms was collecting money for a teachers gift last night the nastiest mom said loudly "Don't even THINK about asking me to contribute to the teachers this year! Don't go there with me!" I suspect that inner circle of nasty moms got a talking to. The half decent ones probably felt guilty and talked to their kids about treating others well.

If they don't like me, oh well, I can handle it!

    Bookmark   December 15, 2004 at 8:10AM
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