Niece's with brats

anniebalNovember 28, 2008

I think I will never have another get together at my house if my nieces don't learn to control their kids. I feel awful for this but I didn't let my kids run wild at people's homes, they had limits and bounds. These kids have no bounds, they can do anything they want putting my collections and general house in peril.

I sat in the livingroom with my niece as her six year old son jumped back and forth over our couch. He stood up on our bay window, and the back of the couch. Finally I told him nicely that he couldn't stand on the back of the couch but I don't think he stopped doing it. Meanwhile my niece just keeps talking and never says a word to him.

There is also a younger child that is only 1.5 years. Much of the time she didn't even follow him into the other room to see what he was doing. I go in there and he is lifting books out of an antique container I have (and the books are collectors.) My niece does nothing, just has this look on her face like it's out of her control. Next he knocked off an vintage glass jar I have with buttons inside it.

I see him running around the kitchen and livingroom carrying a mini-pumpkin muffin in his hand (that has chocolate chips in it!) He is just going freely from one room to the next.

Next, the little one is slapping at our little dog. You think my niece spoke up and tried to teach him that that is wrong and that the dog may bite him...NO, NOTHING.

I'm exasperated and beyond angry. I know my niece is a single mom and that that is very difficult but to have such disregard for someone else's home and furniture is mind boggling. I don't see inviting her again knowing what I know now.

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believer

I don't blame you for feeling the way that you do. Your niece should do her best to stay on top of things where the kids are concerned. I was exhausted after taking my kids to people's homes when they were young because I was always making sure that they kept out of things.

If you are willing and or able to put things up when the kids are there that is an option. The jumping on the couch or other furniture is not acceptable and it is baffling to me that a parent would not stop that behavior. My DH did not correct my SD10 when we first married when she would stand on the couch, throw balls in the house or lay on the couch backwards with her head and hands on the floor and then kick her feet over onto the floor. She was 7! I took care of it though, quickly.

You have to raise kids that other people can stand to be around. Your niece my have a very high tolerance for that type of behavior.....I don't. My DH and his side of the family do. They let the kids do as they please. My first and only visit to his mom's house consisted of my SD and his 4 yr. old grandson and 2.5 year old granddaughter running through the house to such a degree that the pictures on the walls moved. No one said a word except me. I was shocked. I don't visit his family because of it. I love them but when it comes to the little ones in the family they turn a blind eye to everything. She may also feel that it is your home so you can tell them....I don't think that is right either.

Can you mention it to her parent that is your sibling and ask for some help there?

    Bookmark   November 28, 2008 at 2:26AM
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organic_brice

Why didn't you tell her those behaviors weren't okay? Why just chat politely through it all? You said she just kept talking through that...well wasn't she talking to you? Why not say, "I can't just chat with you while they tear up my things? I need you to show them how to respect my home."

What my family did while I was growing up was point out the misbehaving child to their parent and say, "Do you really want him doing that?" And that made it perfectly clear the childs behavior was not acceptable.

These are different times. Feel free to tell your neice, "I need you to correct your child. I do not want him to do that and I am not comfortable correcting him for you."

It would be a shame to not invite her back without telling her why. At least tell her you value your home and collections and didn't enjoy your visit with her the way you had hoped to. Ask her to teach the kids to respect others things. See what she says.

    Bookmark   November 28, 2008 at 3:54PM
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western_pa_luann

Kids don't know your house rules unless unless you speak up!

I agree with organic_brice ....

    Bookmark   November 28, 2008 at 5:44PM
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anniebal

believer, organic and western, thanks for your comments. When I stated my niece kept talking it is because there were 4 of us in the room, and she was conversing with my nephews gf and my dil. When I spoke up to my great nephew about not standing on the back of the couch, she was busy talking to one of the others. She did pause, look at me, and then continued to talk.

Kids may not know the rules unless I speak up, but this was my house. Why didn't my niece or doesn't my niece know better then to allow her children to behave the way they did at someone's else's home? I could care less if they do this at her home, but they should be taught not to act this way in someone else's home.

It is very uncomfortable for me to have to say something to her children, however I like what you suggested to say organics: "Do you really want him doing that?" That is a great way of putting it, and then if she doesn't catch on I will follow up with it not being proper behavior in my home.

I wish I would've thought to move some things up higher before they came, it's just been some time since I had a little on in my home. Still, when I took my kids places I kept after them (until I was exhausted, just as you say believer. It's just part of being a parent and teaching one's kid some boundaries and proper behaviors.

I appreciate all of your input.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2008 at 1:39AM
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