other family members

kmttsmomOctober 14, 2008

What about a situation where I am the only one my daughter is estranged from? She still continues a relationship with everyone else in the family. This is even harder to deal with because they are constantly relaying information to me about how she is, what she's doing, etc...It drives me crazy, not to mention the hurt. It only drives the steak further in my heart. I would rather them not mention anything about her to me because it only makes it hurt worse. They brag to me about seeing my grandkids and about how much they've grown, etc...knowing that I am denied access to them.

Also, I have browsed at her MySpace page and it is full of filthy vile comments about me that she has posted. She calls me a "wretched woman" and calls my womb "vile." It's almost like she is trying to get a reaction out of me or something.

I didn't know it was possible to be hated so much by my own flesh and blood. And with the way the rest of family acts,I am having a hard time distinguishing who the enemy is. They kiss up to her face and then talk about her like a dog to me behind her back.

I might be the one who disappears from the family next. Thank you for listening. I have so much to get off my chest. And I have a feeling that this is only the beginning.

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kmttsmom, you are in such agony. As long as your family continues to see your daughter and act like nothing is wrong she will continuing treating you in this manner. Even if your daughter withdraws from the entire family you need to feel like you are being supported which clearly you are not. However, most people have a very difficult time taking a stand either for or against something, at least that's been my experience.

Have you told your family members how much it hurts to hear news about your daughter from them? I had to tell my brother because he didn't get it. It wasn't just hard on me either but also my hubby.

I take the posts she is leaving on her myspace page as a way to rile you. She obviously has a lot of anger (it doesn't have to be real,) and she is trying to get a reaction from you. I'm sure she guesses that you may see her posts on Myspace and that's why she does it. Imagine her friends reading that stuff though, what must they think of her?

In my opinion she wants you in her life but on her terms only. It seems that as long as you are willing to do anything she wants, when she wants that she will have a place for you. It's rampant these days it seems. She needs to grow up just as my son needs to grow up, and until he does I don't have a place for him in my life. I will no longer be a rug, or walk on egg shells.


    Bookmark   October 16, 2008 at 1:41AM
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Knottsmom, I'm so sorry. It sounds like you're getting it from all sides.

What if when your family says "I just saw your grandkids and they are so cute" you say something like "I know it may be hard for you to understand, but since DD is not speaking with me I have not seen my grandchildren in a while, and it really hurts me when you talk about your contact with them. Could we please discuss something else"?

Don't go on MySpace anymore. I know it must be hard not to, but save your mental health and don't go.

Don't let your family talk about your daughter badly in front of you. They may be going back to her to repeat your reactions. Tell them you don't feel comfortable. If they persist, ask them something like "why are you telling me this?" as calm as you can.

Again, I am so sorry. That must be very uncomfortable and awkward and hurtful and upsetting. My heart goes out to you.

    Bookmark   October 16, 2008 at 1:38PM
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