i need advice. bil & sil expecting

pinkpeoniesOctober 14, 2008

if you go back thru posts, you know that our relationship with the in-laws has been strained.

they never made much of an effort to see us. When Xmas came we asked if years ago we could tone it down between the six of us. MIL had no interest. She gives us a list of what she wants each year. So my hubby and myself quit exchanging gifts with the family.

At one time I was close to my MIL and she hated my SIL. As I started to take notice of things with my MIL, I took steps back and my SIL saw the chance to step in. They have a better relationship I would say.

Once we had our baby it seemed like in-laws wanted to try to improve the relationship. While not great. It's been a little better.

BIL & SIL after years of trying finally are expecting this spring. In a week it seems like in-laws have already started to ignore our child. My hubby is out of town for two weeks and my in-laws haven't called. They said they wanted to help out. I haven't heard from them at all.

Two weeks ago they were planning Christmas and Thanksgiving around our baby due to the nap schedule. Suddenly it's changed back to either be here at this time or we will not see you.

I know this is horrible of me. But, I had such hope that it was going to get better. now I feel depressed. I want to be happy for SIL & BIL. Only I feel such anxiety that I can't be. My hubby said he feels much the same.

I know my MIL and SIL will enjoy planning for the baby. Something my MIL didn't do with me.

I wish I could say to my MIL and FIL that they have a granchild that they never see. Please don't forget him when the next baby arrives.

I wish that I had a better relationship with them. I wish I could trust them. But, I can't. She is so nosey. I cant' stand for her to be in my house. I also get sick of her treatment of us and then no apologies. yet, here I am bothered that my child will be excluded or ignored.

It's sick but my MIL and FIL manipulate me too I guess.

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believer

Hello pinkpeonies (love your name btw)

It is difficult to fit in with in laws sometimes isn't it. Especially when the place that you are trying to fit into keeps being changed.

I have a couple of suggestions....I know that you want your in laws to have a good relationship with your child and you want your child to have a good relationship with them. I would offer the opportunity for that whenever possible but I would draw the line at when I was feeling pushed or pulled outside of my comfort zone. To be willing to indulge your MIL's changing attitude seems like something you are going to have to do if you want to maintain a presence in the family and not feel left out. But...and this is my other suggestion....it is your husband's mother and I feel that a great deal of the relationship that you guys have with his side of the family should be his responsibility. If he is ok with not being too involved with them then maybe you should try to accept that and see it as a mixed blessing. Someone that runs hot and cold or chooses favorites (as it seems your MIL may do) can be very stressful and something that I would try to minimize in my own life.

You can try and develop an independent relationship with your SIL and the new baby outside of your relationship with MIL. That way the little cousins can be close and it doesn't center around a grandmother that may or may not like to play favorites.

I would try to find the best in whatever situation that your in laws throw at you and do so with a smile on your face and try not to be hurt. I doubt if it is a personal thing towards you but rather a character flaw of theirs. There again...if your DH doesn't care then try to roll with the punches. I know that moms seem to care more about these things than the dads do but like I said...it's his mom and dad. Don't stress yourself out about it so much my dear or every Holiday is going to be something you dread and for your little families sake it shouldn't be that way. Best of luck to you and roll with the bunches if you can.

    Bookmark   October 14, 2008 at 7:20PM
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