hello, I'm new....I'm hurt....
I did not attend my daughter's wedding (the rest of my family got an invitation) because I did not receive an invitation. She is angry with me because last March she called me for money (again) and this time I simply told her it was time that she stand on her own two feet (pay her own bills). I told her that I cannot support two families. Neither she or her boyfriend were working at the time and she was continually using people for their generosity without any appreciation whatsoever. Over and over again, they would get a job and then either quit or get fired before the 90 day probationary period was up. I never once got a "thank you, mom." Anyway, I was very hurt by this behavior, and simply talked with her about it. I thought a mother's job was to guide their child in the right direction. Guess I was wrong.
The incident was further fueled by the fact that she had been offered a job with the local library to tutor people who were working on their GED. The job paid $7.50 an hour and she was asking me what I thought about it. I told her that I would jump on it because the economy isn't that great and if she has a job opportunity, she best take it while she can. She replied that she thinks she is worth more than $7.50 an hour. I tried to explain that you simply can't "walk in" to most jobs and start at the top of the pay scale. You have work your way up and/or meet certain qualifications. I encouraged her to take the job because at this point neither of them were working and I thought it would be a little something coming in to help them make it.
As expected, she flew into a rage and told me that she never wanted to see, hear from, or speak to me again. She stated that she wasn't "qualified" to be my daughter or to have any further contact with me. At the time, I figured she was just angry and pouting, but I suppose that isn't the case. I guess she wanted me to tell her to turn the job down, sit at home, and wait for a check from someone to arrive in the mail because she was definitely worth more than 7.50 an hour. I am sorry I didn't give her the answer she wanted.
Meanwhile, she continues to run to her own personal bank. (my former in-laws, her grandparents) and they continue to give her money to pay her bills. At one point, she had told me (before the blow-up) that since grandma and grandpa weren't going pay to fix their car, they weren't speaking to them for a while. That is why she called me for money in the first place back in March. Well, grandma did end up fixing their car because they wouldn't come up there to visit, bring the kids, or have anything to do with her until she paid up.
Next thing I hear (from my other daughter) she is getting married in September. (again, financed by the grandparents) I figured she'd call and we'd make up, but that call never came. I can't imagine anything any more cruel than a daughter intentionally not inviting her own mother to her wedding. The rest of my family got an invitation and did attend, which didn't set well with me either. Imagine the hurt I feel. This once-in-a-lifetime day has been stripped away from me forever. There are some days that can never be done over again. All of this came about because I simply encouraged her to do the right thing. Any thoughts?
PS: sorry for the long post...I just had to a lot to say