SD being extremely brat

dolce_28October 28, 2013

I would like to share my story. I'm a divorce mom with 2 kids (5,7) got divorced cause he was cheating on me and gave love a second chance with a man who's single dad of twins (girl and boy, 5). I'm from a different country so our relationship as boyfriends was through Internet and he went couple of times visiting so did I came. Now we finally moved cause we got our visas. When I visited before the things with his kids were ok yeah the girl won't let me be much time with her dad but she wasn't rude. My kids didn't liked his cause they considered them immature and destroyers on Anyang they had on their hands but they do well. I guess there weren't big issues cause I came visit and went back home but this time that we arrive for stay life is being hell and I never thought it would be this hard.
The boy he has a light retardation due to his mother who consume alcohol and maybe drugs during the pregnancy but he's a good boy even with his problem what you need is patience. The girl she was used to be the ruler of this house, she's used to get things as she wants and when she wants. They both are spoiled due to the fact that the mother left them since they were 1.5 years and since then my fianc� has be responsible of them.
I don't doubt he has done a good job but this kids doesn't have limits, they don't take care of things and destroy every single thing (toys, electronic equipment, books, whatever, furniture and even house walls are all painted with markers)... When I arrived and began to set rules and order they hated me (more so the girl) and they began to do lot of things.
I understand that the girl is jealous and she doesn't like how things are tuning out at home, but she began to act directly against my little girl and me, I think since we are the women she feels like we are the enemy or the threatened for her, she doesn't have a problem with my boy. She began with little childish games but went up into very serious things like trying to force my daughter to jump through a second floor window, putting her a plastic bag on the head and of course punching and pushing, also telling her she's ugly and stupid. For me kicks, scratches and lately since she found that I love to have a clean house she began with her brother to pee everywhere as a dogs and last week they both poop themselves just to make me upset cause they know I'm the one who cleans and make laundry. She lied at school and said I hit them and was very aggressive with them and I was so sad and pissed cause I read all the cops process and I don't want to pass it because a girl decides to lie to scare me away. I'm to the point of madness!! We have tried many things spankings, talking, take away things, time out and these are just strong will kinds who really doesn't care. They just keep going, well she's the brain he just follows.
She has expressed her hate to me and my daughter and that she want my girl to die and that we go away so she can have her dad to herself.
Lately talking with some people at church they recommended to give many love to the girls and pay extra attention to her and not punish her an then she will fix the situation. My fianc� was never so much time with them cause of this work they spend most time with the sitter, uncles and grandparents. When he was at home they won't even be together twins would play even in a different room granted he will hug them a kiss the and tell the he loves them everyday and that hasn't change.
Since we got that advice he has been very involved in being with twins specially with the girl holding her hand all the time taking her to our room to spend time there or being in their room every single moment he has free at home he's with them.
Of course now besides of all the stress I have to deal everyday with his brats I have to deal with the fact that he stop paying attention to me for trying to fix his daughter even when there are times where she can be left alone and we can spend time together he won't. He even forgot my birthday.
I speak to him to explain him how neglected and tire of the situation I was cause even her having all his attention continue being a bra she even goes to my room to show off and tell me "see I told my daddy doesn't loves you". I know he loves me but I'm not sure this is what I want for me and my kids at least for another 14 years with this little mean girl.
This week we supposed to get married and I don't know what to do, if I give up on this man I love so much for my peace or I should continue with the hope this someday change. He says his kids won't drive his life but they already do and this girl is turning the whole "family" upside down, all fights we have had are because of her.
Give me your wise advise please!!!!

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I don't know when your visa expires but I definitely would not marry when such serious issues are involved.

When children pee and defecate all over the house that indicates there is a very severe problem. And the girl is a threat to your daughter's safety. To be this violent at the age of 5 is extremely troubling.

The father of these children needs to be more involved in their daily lives and in their discipline. To give his daughter all his attention is rewarding her for her bad behavior. That won't fix anything.

Personally I would consider this family too great a risk to marry into. The daughter is violent and the son (apparently) has fetal alcohol syndrome. Both may become far more difficult as they age and their father has taken the easy way out by spoiling them.

He has not offered his children appropriate discipline and he is not giving you the support you need. Even at the best of times this would be a difficult situation.

Marrying is a serious decision and if you had a child together that would make your life even more difficult. I hope you consider carefully before taking this risk.

    Bookmark   October 29, 2013 at 6:17AM
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For the sake of your own children, please do not marry into this family.

As the previous poster said, pooing and peeing is extreme behavior and signals very deep problems. Same for encouraging your child to jump out of a window or putting a plastic bag on their head.

You will be putting your children at risk by living with them. These children of your fiance need serious professional help. It may not just be about discipline, but there may be mental illness involved.

Please find a better life and situation for yourself. You deserve much better and you won't be able to fix them.

    Bookmark   November 6, 2013 at 12:17PM
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