Boy-girl sleepover?

railparailSeptember 29, 2011

I have a 6-year old girl who has some really good friends who are boys and we know the families well too. These kids used to go to the same school with my daughter, and they have since kept in touch because we parents got really close during the time.

One boy's mom is now constantly pressuring me to do "sleepovers" with my girl.

I do not feel comfortable but wanted to get a sense from the community about how folks around here would feel about this idea. I would appreciate hearing your thoughts.

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popi_gw

Why do you not feel comfortable ? Is it the boy/girl situation ?

I have a boy and a girl, and neither of them ever asked to have a child of the opposite sex for a sleepover.

    Bookmark   September 30, 2011 at 12:50AM
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tracystoke

My best friend was a boy,we grew up together and did have some sleepovers,it was all so very innocent.My daughter is five, and I Dont know if I would be comforable with it either,I suppose it depends how well you know the boy and his parents,are your daughter and him really good friends?The boy I grew up with, I never really thought of him as a male,he was just my best mate.But I think if your not comfortable with it then just dont do the sleepover.

    Bookmark   September 30, 2011 at 4:41AM
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azzalea

The problem is this--IF you allow boy/girl sleepovers at this age, because they're still too young for it to mean anything, how do you then change the rules when your child is older.

I believe VERY strongly that as parents, if we're going to do our job as effectively as possible, we have to, from the start, set the rules and live by a good example. For instance, when my dd was still in a baby carriage, if I were visiting someone directly across the street from me, I would NOT just dash across (middle of the block), but I'd go 3 doors down, to the corner, and cross properly. They learn from day one.

Look, if you'll allow boy/girl sleepovers when she's 13-16-18, then there's nothing wrong with it now. If, however, that's not something you want her doing as a teen, don't make your job of parenting any more difficult than it needs be--don't allow them now. That saves you having to answer, "but you always USED to let Tommy sleep over".

    Bookmark   September 30, 2011 at 3:05PM
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sweeby

I'd probably allow it since they're only 6. Odds are very good the friendship will fade on its own within a few years as the natural differences between boys and girls lead them in different directions.

If the friendship remains strong, you can stop the sleepovers when they're older and your DD shows signs of puberty. The explanation will simply be that she is starting to become a young woman now and things are changing -- Just one of many, many discussions about boys, girls, sex roles, and sex ed.

    Bookmark   September 30, 2011 at 6:15PM
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tracystoke

OH my god.do not compare a six year old to a teenager,13,16,18,that is rediculous.this does not happen.6 year olds are kids .these grow up to mature and know that tommy used to sleep over ,and tommy was a friend ,not a sexual being.

    Bookmark   September 30, 2011 at 6:28PM
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popi_gw

If you are not comfortable with the idea, then use that as your radar and don't allow it. Your child your rules.

But have a good reason for when the "why" starts from your child. "Why can't I go mummy?" Good idea to have a good answer ready and not one that will open up a can of worms with a million other questions !

My DH used to say to our children, when the "why" came and he didn't want to answer it, "Because the sky is so high in July". Sure doesn't mean anything, but they soon new that Dad wasn't going to answer them with anything sensible...lol.

Now they are grown adults they use it to us !

    Bookmark   October 3, 2011 at 3:06AM
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noodlesportland

D had a boy best friend until 8. They had overnights in seprate beds. At 4 and 5 they took baths together in their bathing suits,with parents present. They are still friendly and nothing more.

    Bookmark   October 15, 2011 at 11:57PM
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jeanr

Don't go there. If you are uncomfortable with this, listen to your instinct.

    Bookmark   August 21, 2013 at 8:22PM
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