Married daughter

carlybSeptember 23, 2007

Would appreciate some help on this. My 43 yr. old daughter has been married 2 yrs. and has called me twice after being abused by her husband. The first time he threw her entire body thru the sheetrock and broke her hand. Both times she told me all the bad stuff about him, sounding like she was thru with him then of course she forgives him. She even told me she sometimes thinks it's her fault. I think that's words from a typical abused woman. I don't know how to handle this. How can I be around him and act normal when I'd like nothing more than for him to leave. I'm afraid for her. She's the bread winner and owns her home. Thanks for listening.

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plasticgarden

Yes,it is typical words from an abused woman.Both my mom and sister have or are being in an abusive relationship.They always start out strong that they are leaving them and no one will ever do this to them again...then,they go back.
Enough to make you smash your own head through sheet rock is it not?
I'm not really sure what advice to give you,because I have been going through getting those late night calls or having them show up on the front porch crying for YEARS.After a while,you almost become numb.

Pray your daughter doesnt have children by this idiot she's with.Or a bad situation will get even worse.I had to testify against my own sister in court this summer because she kept subjecting my nephew to seeing her boyfriend beat her up.
Thankfully he is now away from the situation as his dad has custody of him.

You could beg your daughter to get counseling.You might even want to get some for yourself...because it has tried my patience to new levels.
If it was my daughter though,and not my sister or mom~I'd probably be alot more aggresive about her getting out of there immeadiately.If things got really bad I'd send my husband to "chat" with hers.

Good luck~I wish I had more helpful advice.I have felt helpless these last few years myself.It really isnt something I'd wish on anyone.

    Bookmark   September 24, 2007 at 12:38AM
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njtea

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it until she has had enough. As we all know, sometimes it can take years and years before the abused woman calls it quits; sometimes it never happens. It took me years.

When I began to see things going wrong in my daughter's marriage and after her husband sent me a truly vile e-mail, I thought that if her father and brother had gone to this guy, who is nothing but a coward as all abusers are, pinned him against a wall and told him to stop, it would have put an end to the situation right then and there. Now, however, several years later, I've come to believe that would not have helped and possibly even made things worse for her.

    Bookmark   September 24, 2007 at 7:14AM
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sc_gardener

Can you call up a local battered woman's shelter and get some advice from them on how to handle this? Perhaps get some lit you can sneak to her. I know in our church they keep pamphlets on this stuff in the woman's bathrooms here.

    Bookmark   September 24, 2007 at 1:25PM
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carlyb

I'll follow up there..She called me one morning & said I told him to take his things & leave. He did & I'm 90% sure she's done.It's been about 3 wks. & she seems fine. Said she doesn't think she'll ever trust another man. Wish I knew all the right words to help her try to figure out what's happened to all her relationships. She always picks the guy who needs help, it seems. Anyway I'm glad she's out of this one. It was scary & dangerous.

    Bookmark   November 13, 2007 at 11:12PM
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popi_gw

She has done the right thing.

Listen to her, thats probably all she needs now. Just her old mum to give her a hug and be sympathetic.

Perhaps in a while you could both figure out why she chooses dodgy men.

    Bookmark   November 14, 2007 at 1:11AM
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plasticgarden

That is really wonderful news! I hope she stays firm in her decision. Just remember whenever she starts feeling weepy about it,to reinforce her decision by reminding her of the things he has done.Be loving and listen,and hopefully this will be the end.

    Bookmark   November 14, 2007 at 2:31AM
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sylviatexas1

Good for her!

The best way I've found to end a bad relationship is to just stop it, end it cold turkey:

Stay *completely* away from him for at least a month-

no dates, no dinner/coffee, no drinks for sure.

no phone calls, no emails.

If he sends flowers to the office, give them to someone on a different floor.

It seems like we women think that kissing a frog turns him into a prince, & then, when he turns back into a frog, we think that he's still a prince (or we think we've turned into a frog just like him).

We lose all sense of self apart from our relationship to the man of the hour.

A month of "cold turkey" does wonders for restoring perspective.

I wish her, & you, the best.

    Bookmark   November 18, 2007 at 9:55PM
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