anemic 19y/o daughter won't go to doctor

pink50September 10, 2012


My very anemic daughter refuses to go to the doctor. She has very heavy periods and has become anemic again. About 4 years ago I had to take her to the hospital for a transfusion and she had a bad experience with one of the doctors and so ever since she has a fear of being examined. The last time I made an appointment so that we could get some hormone pills, she refused to get in the car and we missed the appointment.

Is there any way to force an adult to see a doctor? It has occurred to me that I might go instead and lie and say I need some pills for myself but I really don't want to do that.

She is sick of doctors that won't help her figure out why she has these heavy never ending periods who only prescribe her pills that make her sick to her stomach. When we went to the hospital for the transfusion a doctor without warning her or asking if it was okay stuck her fingers into my still virgin daughter at which point daughter screamed her head off and started crying. She was already reticent about seeing any doctors but after that she really hates the thought of going. Is there any other way I can get some hormone pills without a prescription?

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Well, right off, I don't think you can force a 19 year old to do anything they don't want to. The only way you possibly could, would be to have her declared incompetant, and yourself appointed as guardian. I don't think it's going to happen.

Your daughter is still quite young (even though legally an adult, her brain is only working on an emotional, not logical level at that age), so you're going to have to tread very carefully here. She's been damaged. I do hope you've show your outrage and support of her by suing that dr--what he did was absolutely inexcusable and wrong, to do that to a 15 year old with no warning--I realize HE felt he was performing a medical test, but to a 15 year old, it was a lot more like a rape--as I know you know. I also hope you got her appropriate counselling at the time. But that's a different question. Now? You need to gently help your daughter learn how adults handle things. An adult has the responsibility of taking care of themself. An adult has the right to choose their own dr, has the responsibility of demanding respectful treatment.

Have you tried suggesting she go to a woman gynocologist or GP? And that she sit down with the woman and discuss her past history, her fears, and ask that she be fully informed before, during and after any kind of test, examination or procedure. You're going to have to hold your temper and fear in check, because your daughter has quite obviously been traumatized, and it's going to take time and care to get her past it.

I would highly recommend against you committing a crime and lying to obtain meds for your daughter. However, you could sit down with your dr. and honestly discuss the situation and get his advice on handling it. That actually would be a good place to start.

Really, though, if you can somehow convince her to see a woman dr. or nurse-practitioner, I think it will help her get past her fears, and develop a bit more confidence--but it won't happen overnight. Good luck to you both

    Bookmark   September 10, 2012 at 10:28PM
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"When we went to the hospital for the transfusion a doctor without warning her or asking if it was okay stuck her fingers into my still virgin daughter at which point daughter screamed her head off and started crying."

The doctor who did this to your daughter sounds like a real JERK. I don't blame your daughter for not wanting to go back. I'd have her on iron supplements while I look for another provider.

You might want to speak to someone at Planned Parenthood and explain what happened. Or, you could call a rape crisis center and ask them for a reference for a doctor (female?) who will have a little more compassion than the other one did.

My sympathies to you and your daughter for what she is going through and best of luck going forward.

    Bookmark   September 15, 2012 at 1:44PM
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I suggest you discuss with your daughter about finding a Compassionate Female Gyn doctor. Talk with the doctor 1st explain all that has happened and hopefully she can start fresh with your daughter and find the problems

    Bookmark   September 19, 2012 at 10:05AM
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