Parent of Teens Rant

briejeanSeptember 16, 2009

Anyone else tired of the lip kids give to us today?!! I have three teens, 13, 14 & 16. I would NEVER speak to my parents the way my kids talk to me. They don't use foul language or anything like that. It's arguing or whining when asked to do chores or raising their tone of voice if I have a comment about the clothes they're wearing. I really don't get it!! And it's not only my kids. I see this as common today.

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I don't like it either. I have 16 and 13 y/o sons, and spend my days with other people's 13-14 y/o's. It is unacceptable, so I do not accept it. My kids are not perfect, they can get in a bad mood and forget their manners, snip at me. I just remind them every single time "that is unacceptable." Other people kids, another story, I can't have quite the impact I have on my own. That is what really shocks me sometimes. I would never have talked to my teachers the way kids talk to teachers today. Let me say emphatically: most kids do not. By far most are polite and respectful. But there are a few who just have no concept of respect for anything or anyone. I stop them, tell them to make their request again respectfully. Sometimes I give one a direction, to which he/she responds with an excuse/long winded story about why they can't/won't/don't comply. I just stop them and say "repeat after me: Yes, Ma'am and then do/don't do what I asked." At school is where it just really gets to me. I don't let my own kids talk to me that way, and I expect other teens to respond the way I've taught mine. But they all just don't.

If I found out one of my kids talked to their teacher the way some kids talk to me, I know a kid who would not see blue sky except with a yard tool in his hand for a month.

    Bookmark   September 16, 2009 at 10:31PM
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The words "Go to your room and don't come out until I say you can" or "you are grounded" or "That Game Boy ( or cell phone! ) is mine for a week!" have amazing power.
And beginning at age 2 a time out chair or spot also has a lot of impact.
That kind of talk should not be tolerated even once.
And it's not just "kids today" from the year one there have always been kids who were poorly behaved and whose didn't demand good behavior. Remember that gang of bad kids in A Christmas Story who attacked Ralphie? Well those kids are an example of mouthy, disrespectful brats ( and Yes, I know that movie was really made in the 80's).
The solution is simple, don't stand for that kind of talk.....make sure there are consequences for that kind of behavior.
Linda c

    Bookmark   September 17, 2009 at 1:40PM
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I thank all parents who teach their kids respect. My son is a teacher and some of the stories he tells would curl your hair.

If only those parents who let their children behave that way realized how they are harming their children. If they don't have respect for their parents and teachers will they have respect for the law or other persons of authority?

    Bookmark   September 17, 2009 at 11:58PM
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Time outs helped with my son, but they had to be done immediately no matter where you were, doing it later doesn't work. I remember a few times doing timeouts at grocery stores and at JC Penneys. He got the idea of behaving better when not at home really quickly, doing timeout with strangers looking at you sitting on floor or facing wall really got the point across. I don't remember making them any longer than 3 minutes.

    Bookmark   September 19, 2009 at 3:36PM
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My kids are now 27, 24 and 21. They gave me lip in their teens also. IT IS THEIR JOB. They are starting to exert their independence. It is the parent's job to teach them how to exert (is that the word? I hope it is the right one, you know what I mean) it RESPECTFULLY, and they will not know if you do not teach them. GO TO YOUR ROOM, or whatever is fine, but more needs to go with it.

My most proud day as a parent was when my then teenaged daughter, in the middle of a power struggle with me said "I don't like you very much right now". Not I HATE YOU, not other words that I'm sure she wanted to say, but "I don't like you very much right now". How respectful can you get? It meant that I was doing something right! Did she cause me grief at other times? OH YES (She was our wild child!). But we did survive. I now have 3 very wonderful adult children. (and Mother's curse works, my wild child has one of her own--HAHA), all who respect us and we respect them!

I need to add, we had our moments too..the son walking away in the middle of my rant, and me following a 6'2" "boy" shaking my finger while yelling...I think the neighbors peed their pants, it loses some of the effect when he's taller than Mom. The grounding until their 30 (and then having to back off), and other--not so good moments, but we survived the teen years (and I have the gray hairs to prove it!!)


    Bookmark   September 22, 2009 at 10:49AM
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Oy! Just had this situation last night with my 16 year old. It is SO frustrating. I want to yell and scream because she's yelling and screaming because she didn't do her homework after school or her laundry that's been sitting in her room for three days but what was she doing? Facebook. I said, get off the computer NOW and get your work done. She starts yelling she needs the computer to do her homework. The yelling at me, her mother, is the part that sets me off. I would never yell at my parents unless the house was on fire. Not because I was afraid of them, but because I respected them. My daughter has no respect for anyone, she wants to get in an argument. So, I shut the computer off and told her I was done having that conversation and she better get to her room and get her work done. Unfortunately for her, she also left her cell phone sitting on the computer desk so I decided to take that for awhile too...just an extra measure.

She'll come home today falling all over herself trying to be helpful so she can get that phone back. She's off the computer for a week and she seriously does need one for schoolwork so she'll have to find a way to get that done on her own.

I tell my husband, this daughter is just like one of his sisters and he hates to hear it but it's true. I have a 40 yo SIL who still yells at her mother.

    Bookmark   September 25, 2009 at 10:55AM
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I hear ya. I'm interested in quizzing people if their kids are more disrespectful when it is regarding a cell phone or computer (their attachment to friends-so powerful when you are a teen), or when it's anything else? We may have been upset if our parent didn't let us go to a social outing if we didn't clean our room or whatever. But, same thing or not?

    Bookmark   December 1, 2009 at 12:01AM
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You raised 'em. My kids--23 and 18--don't pull this stuff with me.

    Bookmark   December 13, 2009 at 6:11PM
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Yes, it is ultimately the parents' responsibility, but I think many popular movies and TV shows contribute to this issue.

Remember the Cosby Show? Brady Bunch? Family Ties or the Wonder Years? The kids in those shows would have (mis)adventures/problems, and their parents were mostly shown as wise and experienced. With current shows, it seems like the kids always solve their problems by subverting their parents' rules and ignoring their advice, and somehow it always come out OK without the parents being any wiser.

Doesn't change the fact that parents have to step up and teach respect for adults - just wish kids weren't constantly being shown this theme.

    Bookmark   December 16, 2009 at 9:48AM
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You somehow have given these kids permission to abuse you.
Are you trying to be more a friend than a parent?

Step back and consider what is best for them and their life success.

They have lots of friends and can find more.
They have only one mother and they deserve to be parented by that mother.

Don't be afraid that they might not like you and your rules.
That's is a given.
Of course they won't like you during these times.
But your job and responsibility is to raise civil, responsible kids......not be their oldest live-in friend.

Step up and be the Mom.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2010 at 8:20AM
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