How are you a good parent? How did you become one?
New to the forum, hi everyone.
Here's some history and sort of a rant/vent: My children are 6 and 4. I am an older mom (44). I will not mince words: I am not as good a mother as I thought I would be, and my husband is an even worse father. I thought when we had our children later in life we would be calmer, more focused, smarter ... none of that is the case. I am tired, scatter-brained, frustrated and lacking in parenting strategies. My husband is angry all the time and he takes it out on the kids, snapping at them, nitpicking them, scolding them constantly, always using a harsh tone of voice with them. Yesterday I was thinking to myself "If you want to be treated with respect, you first have to treat others with respect." I am at heart a non-confrontational person and it has been hard to discuss parenting issues with my husband. I have tried instead to model being a good parent, hoping to be a good example and hoping he'll notice and try to be more like me (yes, I realize how that sounds!). But I'm no saint either.
I have read and liked "Screamfree Parenting" and tried to take its message & tactics to heart.
I would like this post to be more than a rant or me venting my frustrations, but thank you if you've read thus far.
How did you become a good parent? What things do you say to yourself during the day to stay focused on sending the right messages to your kids, communicating with them in a positive way, etc.? How do you resolve parenting conflicts with your spouse? How could I go about telling my husband to stop being a bully to the children?
I am thinking of writing for myself a parenting mission statement to tape on the bathroom mirror and read every morning. It would say something like "I will do all I can to raise my children in a calm, safe, loving environment. I am helping them become confident, compassionate, fulfilled people ... " Do you have such a philosophy for your own parenting goals that you can summarize and share?
Getting sort of tired of beating myself up and being disappointed in my husband, and fearing that we are screwing up our kids with our shortcomings. Looking for some positive advice, your examples of how you are a good parent and how I can become a better one.