My child is left out

livvysmomSeptember 12, 2005

My DD is 5 and there are two girls on our street that are 4. We actually introduced these two girls (one being our next door neighbor).

In the past month or so, these girls are always together and pretty much exclude my DD. They will even tell her they are going in for a popsicle but that she can't come. They go outside looking for eachother to play but neither comes by our house to look for my DD. My DD is in tears almost everyday. I did have my DD tell one of the girls mothers and she was very nice and invited my DD in (she also had a talk with her DD). The mother told me "it's hard when there is three of them."

I agree three is a crowd but it totally breaks my heart to see my kid being rejected. Do you think I should explain to my DD that these two girls want to play together and she should just leave them alone? She probably won't accept this anyway. I can't wait until winter -- that way if the two girls are playing together my DD won't see it!

As for other kids to play with, there is only one within walking distance (age 3) but the 4 year olds are more age-appropriate.

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adellabedella_usa

Find her some other friends so she won't care. They don't have to live in your neighborhood. We have a couple of little girls that age in our playgroup. For whatever reason, they've gotten snotty after they turned 4 yo. I thinks it's just a girl/age thing. The boys in the group don't act that way.

I'm assuming your dd isn't in kindergarten. Take her out where she'll meet other kids. Most libraries have a story hour. If you have a zoo or some other kid attraction, they might have a preschool or story hour. Some places (often churches) offer a Mother's Day Out or they might have a Cherub choir or some type of Sunday School event during the week. Go to the park and meet other mothers while the kids play.

I met the moms and kids in my playgroup by going to the park and the zoo. We've grown from knowing a couple of people to having a huge group. I'm now finding that I have a harder time scheduling mundane things like housework because the kids and I are going to an event where they'll do something fun or be playing with other kids.

    Bookmark   September 12, 2005 at 6:18PM
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lindac

3 little girls are witches!!!....and the thing is....in time the tide will turn and it will be another that's left out.....
Meanwhile try to find someone else for your daughter to play with, ir invent fun things to do that can involve all 3. Call and make plans before the other 2 decide what to do.
Linda C

    Bookmark   September 12, 2005 at 10:26PM
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jiggreen

my child goes through this same issue. she is constantly coming home crying because "so and so" won't let her play, or the other kids ganged up on her and were mean. it is a horrible feeling as a parent to see your child sitting by the window watching the other kids playing outside. it brings out the mama bear in me and i just want to go outside and rip into those kids! my daughter is 7 now and this has been going on for several years now. there are 6 other kids on our street who are roughly the same age (within 1 year older/younger) and they tend to all run in a group. i find that things are a lot more difficult when they are all together, but one on one things go much more smoothly. i try to arrange activities for my child to do outside of the neighborhood, such as the ymca day camp (on days when there is no school), brownie girl scouts, cheerleading and this spring my daughter will start softball. if you expand your daughter's world outside of your street, she can make new friends that she chooses, not that she's stuck with because they are neighbors. i do understand that your daughter is only 5, but there are a good many programs available out there for 5 year olds, it just takes some sleuthing.
good luck with this tough situation!
jiggreen

    Bookmark   January 27, 2006 at 9:39AM
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schnitzel

There is no worse hurt than to see you angel getting hurt by the neighborhood brats...I know its' hard to keep quietv standing by watching your sweetie being hurt. But just encourage her by going to her school and suggesting that she invite this girl or that one over for a play date. Enen if you have a different playdate every weekend for a few hours it may even make the brats on the street change their attitudes...She is bound to connect with one she might really like. I have one daughter emmensely popular. The other one is quiet and has a harder time with getting playdates. I constantly encourage her to find new friends...Ask God for guidance too...hoope this helps...

    Bookmark   January 28, 2006 at 8:30PM
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lizql

I don't want to sound like the baddy here but just throwing in another opinion. We had a child on our block that none of the other kids wanted to play with. I didn't want my son to exclude her so I sort of pushed them together. I watched and listened and soon learned why no one wanted this child around. She was the youngest in her family and oh soooooo bossy. It was her way or no way and threw a fit if she didn't get it. Very annoying. I explained this to her mother after she complained that her daughter had no one to play with. That was five years ago, this child is getting better. She's fine one on one but forget the group idea.

    Bookmark   January 30, 2006 at 4:34PM
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erasmus_gw

There's a great book about this by Rachel Simmons called Odd Girl OUt although I think it focuses more on adolescents. STill, I think there are helpful suggestions for helping a child cope.
There are probably many good stories to read that can comfort. Am thinking about The Ugly Duckling for one, which just goes to show that being rejected can be anything but appropriate. I think The Star-bellied Sneetches by SEuss is good about snobbery. Cinderella endured those mean stepsisters too.
I think it's good advice to get her around more kids so she can have better experiences SOON. Kindermusic could be good or other lessons. I know Suzuki violin involves a lot of group lessons.
Best wishes!

    Bookmark   February 6, 2006 at 7:49PM
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jannie

My daughters had nearly the same experiences when they were little. Anytime there was a group of three, two paired off and the third was excluded. All I can say is, see if your daughter can enroll in a dance class, gymnastics, skating, anything where she can meet new friends.

    Bookmark   August 18, 2006 at 12:23AM
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sweeby

What about inviting one of the 4-year olds for something really fun away from home? Ice skating or a movie? Something really great where she can associate playing with your daughter with having a lot of fun. Then invite the other 4-year old for an away-from-home play date. The point is to get them to play well with your daughter one-on-one, and the away-from-home aspect prevents the twosome from becoming a threesome.

While there's naturally a difficult dynamic with a threesome, and it could be simply an individual personality thing, Lizql's point is also an important one. There could be some social skills problems contributing to your daughter's difficulties. Finding groups of other children to play with and objectively observing them can really help.

    Bookmark   August 18, 2006 at 12:24PM
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organic_maria

I have similar problems with both my stepkids. The thing that makes me sad is that both come EOW. So they dont have friend here to play with. So we taek them to water parks and they quickly meet up with kids there and have fun. My sd is also at the age where she is being excluded. It hurts her alot to see her crying. Her friend last year she hung around with practically all the time now has decided she doesnt' want her anymore and has taken on a new friend. Its mean but kids go through phases.
Take your daughter out to daycamp , water parks and let her interact with other kids. Sit her down and explain to her that sometimes those two girls just want eachother. Not because she is bad, its just easier to pay attention to one person than two. I explain that to my ss when he was five. Its easier to play with one person.
Do you have relatives or friends with similar age kids that you can invite over weekends for barbq's??? She can team up with one and run around the neighbourhood during the visit. She can show off her new friend. Its more specialwhen someone comes to visit you.

    Bookmark   August 25, 2006 at 2:20PM
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