Estranged from my daughter
I was a single parent living with my daughter in Australia until she was 28 yrs old. She was not very keen to start full time work after University and as a result I supported her fully to age 23 then subsidised her living costs until 28 yrs old.
At that time, she decided it was time for her to spread her wings and take some work in Europe. As a result we decided that it would be best for me to move to London to enable us to visit each other easily.
Fate stepped in and she reconnected with a boy from Dallas that she had met in High School. Plans changed as she was going to live in Dallas, but I would still go to London, as they planned to come and live there in 2-3 yrs and it was easier for us to visit each other from there.
My savings were almost worthless in London and would have lasted me a year. I was anxious about finding work at 60 yrs old so moved into a really disgusting flat, renting one room. Often there was not hot water or heating and rats in the kitchen.
I blanked it all out, focussing on the positive, we would be able to visit each other, they would be here in a couple of years and in the meantime I had found work and begun to save.
Within 6 weeks of being in Dallas, my daughter informed me that they wouldn't be coming to live in London, it was too expensive for them and that she would not be able to visit, as she was staying in the US without a visa until they married.
During phone calls, she regularly told me how good her boyfriend was to his mother, giving her substantial financial support, helping to sell her house and trying to help her get over her drinking problems. She also mentioned how good he was to his brother, helping him out financially on a regular basis.
She had seen where I was living, one room, in a disgusting flat and at the time, had offered to help me financially until I found work. However she changed her mind, telling me that one of her friends had advised her against it and that she and her boyfriend combined incomes and had to discuss spending with each other, I assume, he said no.
All my reasons for giving up everything I had worked hard for 32 years, had been changed. My daughter didn't even acknowledge this. But she told me that she had 'good news' I could go back to Australia in 5 yrs and at age 65 could get a pension!
It didn't seem to enter her head, that I would be going back to - nothing. No home, no furniture, no car, as I had practially given all of that away for the plans we had made together.
When I broached the subject with her on my first visit to Dallas, she denied ever offering to help me and accused me of starting arguments. I was distraught and confused, how could she 'forget' it, was I going mad, did I imagine it, does my daughter really not care at all?
She then pointed out that 'they had paid my airfare' to Dallas. Yet did not consider that, I had lost two weeks pay as a temp and the cost of bringing presents for her, her boyfriend and his family and that the original plan was, that we would rotate visits and the cost would be less to us both.
Our two weeks together were not great, she was very irritable most of the time. We went to visit his father, stepmother and sister on Christmas Day. They barely spoke to me and my daughter and her boyfriend went off for a ride around the property, leaving me with these people I didn't know, who sat watching TV with no conversation for 2 hours!
I felt very unwelcome in my daughter's home, not welcomed by her boyfriend's family and that my daughter, has left her past behind. I didn't expect anything from my daughter, but when she did offer to help, it was heart warming. She could afford it. She works and her boyfriend has an excellent job with equally excellent income.
I feel that she would be most happy if I returned to Australia, got myself public housing and lived on a pension and told her that I'm fine and my life is great, but she would be very embarassed to visit me if I was living that way.
I am uttely devastated at my daughter's behaviour, she tells me all the time, 'we are very close' and that is the reason I gave up so much to come here. To be geographically close.
I am too close to this to get an objective view, can anyone offer me some insight?