Narcissistic Personality Disorder and my Mother...
Well, I kicked my mother out. And after two months of feeling like it's my fault I've finally figured out what is going on. She has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. All this time I thought she was sane and I was going crazy it turns out she is the one with serious issues. Somehow she is able to manipulate situations so that she comes out sounding rational. It's gotten worse over the years, finally cumulating into a giant mess that ended in a semi-estrangement. I can provide details if asked but don't want to overwhelm anyone because, as I'm sure it is with most people, the issues I have with my mother and the stories I could tell would fill a book.
The last thing she told me was that now she "gets it". Now she understands why there isn't world peace, because how can there be world peace if her daughter can't communicate with her. I felt really bad about that for a few days, then I woke up a bit and really considered it. When she was my age she was beginning an estrangement with her own parents and didn't talk to her mother for a good 18 years. World peace is not in the balance because of me! (now who has narcissistic disorder! LOL!)
And, she called my psycho ex-husband and told him I kicked her "out on the street" which is a complete lie. She expected him to feel sorry for her. But it backfired because he told me he would have done the same thing and wanted to kick her out the second she moved in.
I just have all of these feelings, anger, regret, hostility, disappointment, inadequacy, fear, resentment... on and on. I thought I dealt with all of my childhood issues with her but they keep coming up now, thirteen years after our last reconciliation, so I obviously haven't processed them and let them go yet. It's like the puzzle is finally clicking together. I can almost see the whole picture, but don't know if I'm misinterpreting the message.
I think talking it out would help, but with my DH it's hard, because he is angry too, and sometimes it's hard not to get defensive of her with him (the old "I can call my mother a B^$#^ but you can't" feeling). I can talk with my father about it, but I don't want to get SM involved because she eats bad news about my mother like it's a chocolate sundae.
How do I handle this? How do you all handle your parents and the shifting relationships between being a child with your parent, then being a parent yourself? What can be done to keep me from feeling guilty and responsible for her well being? Am I a bad daughter because I don't want my mother to live with me and tell me what to do? I'd really like your opinions/suggestions.