Question about reading here

stargazzerAugust 23, 2008

I was just curious about something and hope you don't mind me asking. When I was caring for my husband and trying to cope with the neglectful step children I was a mess emotionally. At first visiting the forums helped me to know I wasn't alone and I picked up tips that were helpful, especially in the caregivers forum. After a while I had to back away from the caregivers, step family and marriage forums because reading about it every day made me feel worse. For the members who are heart broken over being estranged, doesn't it bother you reading and posting her every day, day after day. It seems a constant reminder and I wonder if it keeps you from moving on with your life.

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stargazzer

moving on down.

    Bookmark   August 25, 2008 at 3:52PM
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daisyinga

That's a great question, and I think your answer is probably there within your own post - At first visiting the forums helped me to know I wasn't alone and I picked up tips that were helpful....After a while I had to back away.

I don't remember the dates of the estrangement posts, but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't seem to me that they've been going on that long, at least compared to the pain the estranged parents feel. It probably helps the estranged parents to compare notes, have a sympathetic ear, etc. In time I think the estrangements posts will die down.

I read a very interesting article a few months ago. The article said that people have a natural "happiness" baseline. Even after a traumatic event like a death, divorce, etc., people return to their natural baseline happiness level in 3 years, even if their circumstances don't change.

We had a very difficult situation in my family almost 3 years ago, and for us that premise has held true. We are all about back to our natural baseline happiness level. The capacity we have to heal and move on amazes me.

Stargazzer, I hope your situation is much better now. Life can be so hard sometimes.

    Bookmark   August 25, 2008 at 7:11PM
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stargazzer

It is sad to say but my problems ended when my husband died. It took awhile to adjust to it, but I am over it now. A doctor once told me when you go through a trying time, the adrenalin is pumping and when the problem goes away, you can feel down instead of relieved because of the lack of the adrenalin. I am able to cope/adjust to just about anything. The extended family was difficult because it never ended until he died. Thanks for replying.

    Bookmark   August 25, 2008 at 9:33PM
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daisyinga

I am so sorry for your loss. Not only the loss of your husband, but the loss of the wonderful times you would have had while he was living, if he had not been ill.

Your doctor's advice certainly applied to me. My husband was badly hurt 3 years ago, and the recovery and rehab were long. When it was over and my husband was fine I didn't feel relieved, I nearly fell apart. The whole experience has made me stronger, made my family stronger, made us all better people, but I miss my old weak,innocent,sheltered self.

Anyway, the experience gave me a huge appreciation for caregivers. I hope you squeeze every single drop of joy and pleasure out of every day now, as I'm sure you deserve that and then some.

When my husband was in intensive care, sometimes I'd walk outside and feel shocked and outraged that the sun would still shine, the birds would still sing, the flowers would still bloom, and people would go about their lives when the world should be crumbling. But after awhile it was a comfort to know that whatever happens, the sun will still shine, the flowers will still bloom, the birds will still sing. Be comforted and enjoy, I'm sure your husband would want it that way.

    Bookmark   August 25, 2008 at 10:42PM
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rob333

I wasn't saying anything because I was leaving it at the top for others to see. I related greatly star! I do have to take a break, move on to other forums, find other things to do, every now and again, so that I don't get too bogged down in whatever is weighing on my mind.

    Bookmark   August 26, 2008 at 9:00AM
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popi_gw

I can understand that coming here to read on a regular basis, does start to make you miserable. It is because there is such a concentration of problems and rarely good news.

But its good that people can say what they think.

    Bookmark   August 27, 2008 at 7:46PM
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stargazzer

Thanks guys, I thought I was the only one that needed to back off and find some positive things in my life. Talking about it once in awhile helps, but to often depresses me.

    Bookmark   August 27, 2008 at 8:05PM
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anniebal

stargazzer, I completely agree 100% with your analysis. I can't visit daily for this very reason. Trying to move can be difficult if we keep re-hashing it all the time.

I take several days off at times between posts, and when I don't, I can tell I am more stressed out.

anniebal

    Bookmark   August 29, 2008 at 12:47AM
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popi_gw

Who don't people post good stories, as a parent, we could...doesn't all have to be bad news does it ?

    Bookmark   August 29, 2008 at 1:54AM
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rob333

I just love your outlook popi, it's always positive. Nice way to be. The problem wiht posting happy stories/thoughts is, when people do that, others either A) ignore it or B) pick it apart since they don't parent that way. Just look at the baby smiling when they're sleeping thread. I'm sure I could find others very easily, if I delved. I wish we could hear more good. The marriage forum is another where this happens. I tried to get them to talk about what made their marriage work, twice, and those got a handful of responses. Someone else posted about an escort service and there (?)60+ responses. UGH!

I wish the world was as upbeat as you. I like your advice.

    Bookmark   August 29, 2008 at 8:18AM
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popi_gw

Should have read "Why" not "who" !!

I agree with you rob, I suppose that is reflected in the press as well..bad news sells. I agree what you say about the marriage forum. Good on you for getting a positive thread going.

Pops

    Bookmark   August 29, 2008 at 11:44PM
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