how to give advice to adult children
Hello All, Just came across the Forum this morning after a frustrating conversation with adult child number three.....our baby at 33.
All our children are in their own nests......have their own babies. Our grandchildren, 7 with 1 due in October, range in ages 10 down to 2. Everyone lives within a 1/2 hour of us and all are in close relationship. This is what I wanted and prayed for......we have been truly blessed!!
My husband and I are so close to them that we pretty much know most of the 'ins and outs' of their daily lives......the good and the bad the ugly, the joys and the sorrows. Again, this is what we wanted, we got it, and feel blessed!
Here's the rub........when they tell me of their woes, just to vent, it often gets to the point that I, being a 'tough love' sort of gal and a problem-solver as best I can, often get into a conflict with them as I try to give them advice. They want to go on and on about their problems and I listen for as long as I can until I really want to help and have to get my two cents in. When they don't want to hear but want to continue to engage me in their sad story, dragging me down with their mood and/or situation........well, let's just say it greatly stresses me out and can turn a lovely day into a not-too-lovely day.
I hope I am doing the right thing by so-willingly making myself available as their sounding-board. I hope I am doing the right thing by trying to offer some advice and/or potential solutions. I hope that when it gets too much and they are too resistent that when I tell them that I can't take it any more and that they should not go on about things, dragging me down with them, that I am doing the right thing. Please note here that when they are in crisis I would not tell them that!
I am an only child and was very close to my mother. I told her just about everything that went on in my life, excluding anything that might really hurt or unglue her. I often dragged her down I am sure......she did the same at times with her issues........but she was my friend, and 'that's what friends are for....right ?! :)
These children of ours are presently ages 36, 34, and 33. Any words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated. Thanks