Estrangement by daughter. My unusual story.
My precious daughter is 32. I love her with all my heart. She has estranged herself from me to one degree or another the last eighteen years, and finally estranged herself completely the last few years.
My situation is not normal. I was incapable of being the mother I could have been because when she was a year old I was brain injured in a freak car accident. It was at a railroad crossing when the cross bars failed to come down. I stopped in time, but was rear ended by the guy behind me. Burlington Northern hired four attorneys to fight my case. His insurance company used their best attorney to fight my case. I met a paralegal from that insurance company years later and she told me it was a big case they did not want to lose. Their hired gun was the best neuropsychologist in the country.
My daughter knows nothing of my case and little about my injuries. Neither does my family, who have been extremely critical and unsupportive, saying I am fine and have nothing wrong with me. They like to make up their own versions of things. They also talk to my daughter.
A person can get ejected out of a window on impact. I was ejected straight up into the top of my car and hit the roof. This was before seat belt laws went into effect and I was not buckled in. My head, brain, spine and body took the upward impact. It crushed the rear quarter panel of my car so hard the hatchback was sprung open. It nearly broke my neck the same way a diver breaks their neck in shallow water. I am lucky to be alive. It took six months to find doctors to diagnose brain injury. They did nothing to help me. I was in horrible pain and could not think straight for almost thirty years as I slowly regained cognitive functioning. It was like coming out of a coma. But it took a long, long time.
The railroad and insurance company worked together to stall things so long I finally settled out of court for a small amount of money. It was devastating. My daughter has no idea the psychological trauma that put me through. How terrified I was of everything by the time it was all over. I was overly protective of her. To me the world was a frightening and dangerous place.
My injuries affected my personality and I had impaired judgement when I was raising her. I couldn't follow conversations, or remember things. I was distant and couldn't focus on the "now". I wasn't very functional when words did come out. I had to keep asking, "do you understand me?" I lectured her for long periods of time, repeating things over and over again. I was in horrible, horrible pain. I had no recollection of my childhood and couldn't recognize myself in the mirror. I needed help. I was a single mother who desperately needed caregiving and help with my child.
My husband had abandon me and refused to pay child support. I had no college education. It was unbearably hard. I worked with a lot of difficulty on the job. I floated around in a large company, so that was very helpful. But employment was really hard. All I could do is cling to God as I knew him. And that probably offended her too. I was not consistent in anything, including my faith. I remarried again. He was a real a jerk and that marriage soon failed. My poor daughter went through all this.
So when she turned fourteen she found friends to share her unhappiness with. She told me they became her family and she felt no real bond with me. That was crushing.
My family talks to her. They never tell me anything. My mother slipped and said she "suspects" my daughter is offended that I spend 45 minutes explaining things. That was part of my brain injury. I can't recognize facial expressions very well. So I went to a speech therapist who helped me figure out social cues from voice intonation. That is a huge step forward and it is the first help I ever got with my brain injury.
The desire to run to my daughter and explain I am better is overwhelming. I fear she would just ignore me or tell me whe will never talk to me again. I asked my daughter several years ago if she would go to a counselor with me and a neurologist. She said no.
I feel I never had a chance to be a parent. It is like coming out of a coma to find your child hates you. I am trying to put together a new life. I have lost my career and home based business because of the estrangement. I am impoverished and totally crushed. I am devastated every day at how hard I worked to get well, and in the process lost my child. Whom I love with all my heart.
Where is my little girl? I don't know. It's like she died.