Adult brother living with me but not willing to do chores

angelmar99August 12, 2009

I am hoping to get advice from parents out there since I'm not a parent myself and could use some help!

My parents and 21 year old brother moved in with me and my husband 1 year ago because they lived in a different country and wanted to permanently move to the United States. My mom is working, my dad is looking for a job, and my brother goes to college full time. However, my brother has been on summer break the last couple months and has proven to be the laziest person on the planet! Everyone was complaining about how the chores were going to get done so I created a chart and we all divided tasks in a fair way. My brother is the only one who doesn't follow through with his chores, and my parents don't know how to handle him. He spends his days sleeping, then he's awake at night playing on the computer. He did this for the last 2 months! I'm 9 years older than him and he doesn't listen to me. He lives in our house rent-free and he acts as this is his right and not a gift. I know the problem comes from a lifetime of my parents not knowing how to set up rules for him from the start, and now the damange is done. No one can tell him what to do or punish him. I'm running out of ideas. How can I make him show some respect and realize that he should be grateful for what he has? I love him very much but this needs to change.

Thanks for your help!

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
khandi

What about taking away his access to the internet? Tell him that he can have access to it once his chores are done.

If he has his own laptop/computer, take away the internet cable (I assume that you are the one paying the internet fees anyways!) and return it to him only AFTER his chores are done.

If he complains/whines how childish and ridiculous you're behaving, explain to him that it's the only way you can think of to get him to be responsible by doing his chores. Everyone else is owning up to his/her responsibility so he should to. That at his age, you shouldn't have to stoop to this level. He should be mature enough to realize it on his own and be responsible.

    Bookmark   August 12, 2009 at 3:28PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
asolo

21 years old, a non-contributing permanent guest in your home, and "won't listen" to you?

Shape up and cooperate or get out! Asserted loudly and clearly! Then follow through.

    Bookmark   August 12, 2009 at 4:08PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
mom2emall

Sit him down and tell him that he either does chores or he is out. Even thought school will probably be starting in a few weeks he should contribute to cleaning the house.

I agree with cutting off internet/computer usage! Do not allow him to sleep past a certain time. Say at 9am each day he will be woken up. Turn on lights, open curtains, run the vaccuum, whatever you need to do to wake his lazy behind up!

    Bookmark   August 13, 2009 at 8:09PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
parents of estranged adult children
I too have been where all of you are. I am so happy...
jan09
To parents of other heavy gamers...
Please do not attempt to moderate or restrict your...
sarabera
New cervical cancer vaccine - You & Your Daughter
My 16 yr old daughter & I are in the process of...
teaka123
In-laws that don't get it!
We had to see MIL yesterday for Mother's day. Once...
ilovepink
18 year old daughter disrespectful
I am hoping to get some advice. My daughter who is...
anakasha
People viewed this after searching for:
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™