mothers of estranged son

vivj111August 3, 2011

I am looking for advice on how to write a letter to my estranged son, whom I have just learned that he has 1-6 months to live . We have not seen or spoken since the death of my other son almost 5 years ago. we have been estranged for 11 years now and I am at a loss of what to say. He married and has 3 children, whom I also have been told not to contact. His wife was the leading force behind all of this.I am not crying anymore and have up to now come to peace with this. I am pleased, and happy and proud of the way he has done in his life and told me those 5 years ago that he is happy. So that is my only solace. Hearing of this illness is heart wrenching for me, I feel I should reach out one last time. But also fear the rejection again. I feel the best approach is a letter. If there is someone who could give some guidance of words to use or not use. I have been dweling on this for 10 days and still have no idea as to where to begin in this letter to him. Any ideas?

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First I would like to say that I'm very sorry to hear about your son and his illness. I'm sorry to hear about your estrangement and what you are facing. I'm certain you do fear rejection and I can fully understand why. With that said, I think a letter a good place to start, although I'm unsure what to offer as far as writing a letter, so I will offer you a website below which I find is very helpful for people who are experiencing or have experienced estrangement.

Maybe start the letter by stating what you have here--that you are pleased, happy and proud and you find it comforting that he told you that he was happy.

As for the website below, I would strongly urge you to take a look at it as it may help you and provide you with comfort and maybe even provide you with some inspiration to find the words to write your son.

Good luck to you with have my hearfelt understanding...

Here is a link that might be useful: E-stranged

    Bookmark   August 3, 2011 at 9:42PM
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thankyou so much for the advice and the link to a web site of interest. I will write again and let you know how it works out. Again thakyou for your kind words,it means alot.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2011 at 11:19AM
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So sorry, this must be very hard for you to bear. I would also write a warm letter from the heart. Let him know you love him. This contact will also give you peace of mind. You know you tried, regardless of the outcome.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2011 at 2:48PM
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I'm sorry to hear of your son's illness. It's a tough place to be in. My son came back from Iraq a different person. He has severe PTSD, Traumatic Brain Injury and back problems. I helped him with his VA paperwork, helped him get his education paperwork, and showed him where the VA facilities were, let him live in my home (his wife divorced him shortly after she realized he's not the same person). He becomes agitated with me easily. I have apologized for things I didn't say or do. I have come to realize, the best I can do is pray for him. God is greater than anything in the universe and beyond. I have placed his safety, well being and trust in the Lord's hands. I love my son, but he has to accept who he is now. I hope this helps.

    Bookmark   September 25, 2011 at 7:41PM
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