cut off teenage son?
Hi - I am looking for some opinions/advice regarding my 18 year old son. I'll try to keep this as short as possible.
A little background is that I am single and have raised him alone and moved back near my family when he was 13.
Nine months ago I told him he had to leave because he was punching holes in walls, screaming and throwing things at me, skipping school, failing classes, refused to get a job, etc. This behavior started when he was 15/16 years old and we had tried counseling with no relief.
To make matters worse, his grandparents (my parents) would tell him he was right and I was wrong (in front of me), and if we were at their house (we live in the same town) they would tell him my rules don't apply to him there. If I said no to a cell phone - they bought him one on their plan, if I said he was grounded from a football game - they would drive to my house and take him. When I tried to set boundaries with them they ignored me and would come over to my house when I was at work.
Fast forward til now and my son has been living with his grandparents for the last nine months. I've tried to maintain a relationship with him by inviting him over for dinner or to go on trips or to lunch.
His response when he bothers to respond at all is "i don't know", so we end up doing nothing. He has spent every holiday with his grandparents since last November.
It's killing me and I don't know how to make it better. I don't know if by inviting him to do things once every 2-3 weeks is trying too hard? He clearly doesn't want to be around me - should I stop inviting?
He has a full-time job but I have kept him on my car insurance and health insurance - do I continue to do that even though he seems to want nothing to do with me? Is this normal for a teenager?
I'm just at a loss as the right thing to do - it just seems that no matter what I try it's the wrong thing.
I would appreciate any thoughts!
Thank you in advance!