For daughters & dil's with problems w/mother or mil

imaginnyJuly 4, 2008

This is the thread for daughters who are in pain over conflict or estrangement with their mothers or other relatives. If you are new to Gardenweb, please share your story in this thread. If you have been sharing your story of conflict and estrangement from your mother and/or mother-in-law on the threads of Gardenweb, please continue to talk about your experience in this thread so that the discussion can be consolidated in one place. When the thread reaches its maximum of 150 posts, a new thread will be started to continue the discussion.

If the discussion can be in one thread, it will make it easier to find everyone's stories on this topic.

For those who think that it is their place to come here and judge, criticize, and advise the daughters and DILs who post on this thread, if you haven't walked in their shoes yourself, do not assume that you know anything about their experience and that you have a clue what it is like. If you feel compelled to criticize, offer advise, and disparage the women who post in this thread, please begin another thread for you to do that in. You might label it something like, "What is wrong with you and what I think that you should do." Although that is a lengthy label. Perhaps you could call it, "My take on your life." That would cover it.

I am setting up separate threads because of the conflicts that have occurred in recent months in the threads on family estrangements.

A thread is also being set up for mothers who are in pain over the loss of their relationship with their grown children. I have had plenty of experience in being on the other side of the situation myself.

As for myself, I don't intend to write about my own experience except where it might help someone else with theirs. I have been estranged for many years from some of my relatives. I have felt the pain. I do know what it is like. Enough time has gone by that I do not feel the pain that I once felt although there is always that sense of loss, the wish that everything could be fixed and that harmony could reign.

In 2001 I set up a website and a blog on the subject of family estrangements that I link to from time to time. There you will find information on the subject, some of which might be helpful in your situation.


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Just wondering, are these new threads for people who are attempting to resolve issues, or simply for reciting stories? Is complete agreement the only correct response?

If a real life Becky-style person starts posting some outrageous, overly dramatic, one sided tale, are we supposed say "oh yeah, that totally sucks" and nothing more? In that case, I have a feeling someone will take you up on starting a post about "My take on your life..." (Gentle smile)

    Bookmark   July 4, 2008 at 1:07PM
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So you have posted. Does that mean you have an issue that you'd like to talk about that pertains to your mother or MIL or are you wanting to continue the past discussion on ISPs, fake stories, Becky, etcetera etcetera? Because, of course, you can do whatever you want to do.

If someone does something that you, with your talent at spotting fakes, observe, you can out them if you want.

It's all in how you see your role here.


    Bookmark   July 4, 2008 at 1:17PM
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Just for those who love to give advice and who know people who should take their advice but never do, as suggested by myself in my first post on this and the other thread, I have gone ahead and set up the thread; "My Take on Your Life." Have fun!


    Bookmark   July 4, 2008 at 1:28PM
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Ginny, I just want to clarify the purpose of these new threads. Are we only telling stories or asking for help?

FWIW, I was doubly blessed with both a Mother and MIL who are amazing. (as in, frequently surprising and at times, sand poundingly unbelievable) But since I have no issues with either one at this time (it's all water under the bridge), I don't see the point in posting about them. Now, if I thought I recognized a similarity in something someone is writing and my own experience, I'd be tempted to give a brief background, and offer those four little words: "what worked for me..."

But not, of course, if that isn't the purpose of this thread, which is why I asked.

    Bookmark   July 4, 2008 at 2:27PM
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Do whatever you want. I provided separate threads because I have seen many women who were strangers to each other get into arguments because they each made assumptions about the other due to their own experience and their inability to be objective. It has happened elsewhere than on Gardenweb.

I think if someone says, "What worked for me . . . " and then went ahead and told what worked for them, I see that as a legitimate and possibly helpful response.

One thing that is said at the end of twelve step meetings that is also helpful is, "Take what you like and leave the rest."


    Bookmark   July 4, 2008 at 2:40PM
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I have another idea for those who don't want to contribute in a helpful manner - see the link below. You'll get all the support you are looking for at that site.

Here is a link that might be useful: Link

    Bookmark   July 6, 2008 at 8:03AM
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Wow...Fuzzy...That is some site...Even for the purpose of venting IS good for in-laws...BCoz you can vent and not offend to where it drives a wedge...Luv it!

    Bookmark   August 2, 2008 at 6:26PM
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