adult children living at home

dennismaxJuly 16, 2008

Help!!! I have an adult stepson(25) whom has never left his moms house and lives as though he never will.He has a fulltime job(has grossed 23,000$) per year.he expects his Mom to serve him at his beck and call.he contributes nothing towards rent or bills other than buying his own coco crispies.he refuses to help with chores and my wife and I taked more care of HIS dog then he does. He has a car he is paying on(his excuse for mismanaging his money and unable to afford to live on his own)even though he has not bought license plates for the last three years.(due to his money troubles).his attitude and general disrespect has made my home life very unplesant.I can not stand to live with him any more. when I speak of this both he and my wife says he was here first so his wants over ride mine. should I leave or suck it up and hope someday he will leave before he drives us to the poor house.

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You're going to have a tough time of this, for the simple fact that your wife is enabling his dependence - not only enabling it; but encouraging it.

Your stepson isn't really the problem - your wife is.

For whatever reason, she doesn't seem to want her son to grow up, leave home, and get a life of his own.

Not only that, she is not allowing you to be man of the house. Good luck with this situation; you're going to need it. Unless she stops letting him call the shots, you're probably going to have to resort to moving out before she will listen to you.

    Bookmark   July 16, 2008 at 12:58PM
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I am sorry to say that you are the only adult in this house. Your wife is not only enabling her son, she is rewarding him for his behavior.

Who is paying all the bills in the house? You? If so, you are being taken for a ride. Unfortunately, this appears to have been going on for far too long.

Your wife should not let his wants override you. That's wrong, and that would be a deal breaker in almost any marriage.

You can't keep sucking it up, because that means he'll be living with you when he's 30. It's time for you to draw a line in the sand and set a deadline for him to move. If it were me, I would give him until the end of August - that's it.

You should get counseling with your wife to address how she and her son have treated you over the years. They have shown so much disrespect for you, it's unbelievable. If she refuses to go, then you need to have a plan ready for separation.

    Bookmark   July 16, 2008 at 5:28PM
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Separation and counseling. Your wife and this boy have a sick enmeshed relationship.

    Bookmark   July 18, 2008 at 1:02AM
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WHOA! Get the hell out of dodge and dont look back. This can only get worse and will. Ive been there.

    Bookmark   July 21, 2008 at 2:10AM
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Unfortunately, the problem isn't the adult child living at home, but the mother who is putting her adult child ahead of her marriage.

Now, I firmly believe that a birth mom needs to put her UNDERAGE child ahead of any non-birth man who may be in her life (date, fiance, husband), but once a child is old enough to make their own way--they should. Obviously, this mother hasn't learned the first rule of being a parent--that your job is to make yourself obsolete. In other words, it's a parent's job to raise their child to be confident, self-sufficient, self-supporting, independent.

I honestly fear there is no answer to your problem, if the boy's mother choses to enable him to be a slug. YOU don't have the power to change things (other than removing yourself from the situation). This mother and son have such a disfunctional, odd relationship, that nothing you do is going to break through to them.

Good luck, though

    Bookmark   July 21, 2008 at 9:54AM
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