Please help relationship with young adult son
Oh what a tangled web we weave! Like many parents, I probably treated my firstborn too special and wound up making him believe the world (and I) revolve around him. After he went to college, it became painfully apparent that his interest in me and contact with me were based on whether on not he needed or wanted something from me. Otherwise, I don't hear from him. He graduated, got a great job and bought a townhouse on the other side of the city. His girlfriend lives with him. I love her to pieces. We get along great. She calls me a couple of times a week, just to chat. Our relationship is like a favorite neice/friend. I really enjoy her.
I'd like to have a similar relationship with son too. It hurts me to feel ignored and used. If I call him just to chat or to come by, he acts annoyed and busy. But if he needs me for anything, he doesn't hesitate to call me and expects me to drop everything to help him (like I always have). I thought I'd try treating him the way he treats me. For example, I just sent him an email saying " $70.for your cell phone is still being automatically taken out of my account. You said you were going to decide on a plan and/or reimburse me. Your balance is $840.00 as of now." I thought I'd treat him the way he has been treating me, keeping it business like, brief & to the point. But after I sent it, I felt like I had done something wrong.
He has other friends and has relationships with some of his friends' parents & older people that he works with but there doesn't seem to be room for me in his life. I haven't heard from him in almost two months now. I get along great with my other son. We enjoy each other's company and stay in touch.
How can I have a warm, friendly relationship with my firstborn? I think about Dr Phil saying that we teach people how to treat us...I'd like to teach my son to treat me more like his loving mom and less like something to be used or an obligatory burden.