Great Niece and nephew out of control

johndeereJune 24, 2005

Our son is now grown.We also helped raise my brothers daughter and son.The girl was 9 and the boy was 6 our son was 3.The reason we helped out was because there mother walked out on them and my brother.Acctually my brother showed her the door for good reasons.

There Grand mother my mother.Spoiled them rotten to the core.Especially the girl because she was the daughter she never had and she felt sorry for there mother leaving them like that.She is now 29 with two monsters of her own.Ages 5 girl and 3 boy.Her and her husband do not believe in spanking.As it seems so many are this way now days.The kids rule the roost and are out of control.Especially the girl who is jelous of the boy and is very self centered like her mother.She is a want to talk about me person and so is the 5 year old monster.

This 5 year old also has her great grand mother my mother rapped around her finger.Same as her mother did and still does.She is in the crying for attention stage.Ussally fake tears that can be turned on and off.Her mom and dad are about to loose it with her.But they baby her and do not have a clue how to disipline her.The two little monsters fight for greatgrandma's lap and every toy.Example the girl monster got mad at the 3 year old boy monster because he got the ball so she took it and hit him in the face with it.

Last night we were with my mother and were picking up my niece and the two little monsters.When my wife was putting the girl monster in the car seat of the van.The girl monster spit in my wifes face and then laughed.My wife had to clean her glasses and face.She did not want to make a scene so did not say anything.She was afraid I would have drug her 5 year old rear end out of the van and spanked her like she needs.None of us seen this happen.I only heard my wife say what did you do that for?She never mentioned it until we got home.

What would you do?Say something to the parents who think there monsters are angles or tell them there kids are on there way to being to far gone?What ever happened to good old fashion spankings or atleast being able to control kids with teaching then right from wrong.

I have watched Nanny 911 a few times.These monsters would fit right in.But those kids on that show just need a blistered hind end also.I feel if they stayed at my house for 3 days and let me teach them right from wrong these monsters would be angles.But these days if you spank the monsters.You might go to jail.What a messed up world we live in.

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A few years ago, I would have never said anything to another parent's child. I've learned that those childrens bad behavior afeects me because my children see the behavior and try to copy it. I would never spank another person's child, but I would tell them to stop doing the behavior or that the behavior is inappropriate. For instance, I was at McDonald's one day. A kid tried to get under the Playland equipment. I told him him to get out. He kept doing it so I told him again. When he finally figured out that I was going to stand there and interfere with his play, he finally did what I said.

You can't make your neice disipline her children properly, but you can set boundaries with how how the children act with you. In the spitting instance, you could tell the child to apologize. If she didn't then take away something she immediately wants like a toy or a privelege (sp?). For instance, if she wants to look out the window, block the view. Or take away that favorite toy that is sitting by her seat and put it out of reach elsewhere in the car. (Yes, I do stuff like this with other people's kids.) Most parents won't object to a nonphysical or verbal warning. The kid may think I'm a real meany, but I don't usually have to tolerate the behavior again.

    Bookmark   June 26, 2005 at 6:29PM
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I would not care how my niece and her husband raise there Brats.If they did not expect us to bend over backwards to watch them.Every time they think they need a night out on the town.They do not believe in spanking and do not have any disipline skills what so ever.They expect everyone to be a free babysitter service.Also from time to time.They get in a so called bind.They need us to pick the Brats up at the babysitters.Those car seats are a hassle and mark the seats and if you leave them in you have problems.With permanent marks or dark places where the sunlight does not hit the seats.They think they can eat and drink in the car.You tell them NO and they start in with the balling.

    Bookmark   June 30, 2005 at 11:06AM
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You should be able to put a towel or a sheet or something behind the seats to prevent marks. I have 3 child seats in my vehicle and the indentations go away after a couple of days if I take the seats out.

Your house, your car, your rules. Let the kids cry if they don't like your rules. If they learn you won't give in, they'll eventually shut up. If they start crying, tell them that those are the rules. You may have to repeat it, but don't start arguing with them because that only prolongs it. Tell them what you have to say and stop there. I've found it best not to make eye contact after the first couple of exchanges. If they don't have anyone to entertain with the tantrum, the show usually stops after a while. You may need to get a set of earplugs to drive, but you won't need them for long.

    Bookmark   July 1, 2005 at 10:59AM
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You might want to try a different approach. Ignore the bad behavior and reward/compliment good behavior the moment you see it. Never give any attention to a behavior you want to get rid of. Good or bad, it's still attention to something you want to stop. Give them attention when they do something right. Afterall, it's all they want and all children deserve. You might start with thinking of them in another way besides monsters. Children are intuitive and they probably get that you don't care for them, rather than their behavior.

It sounds like you're frustrated for good reason, but solving it is more complicated than just spanking it away.

Here is a link that might be useful: Discipline ideas

    Bookmark   July 20, 2005 at 3:41PM
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Why is everyone so afraid of a spanking. Yes, even if its someone else's kid. I'm not talking about a perfect stranger, but among family members - each relative has their own dynamic with the child, and that relationship should be respected by all parties. I was spanked by uncles/ aunts/ adult cousins when i deserved it.. Unless there's another mitigating factor such as a mental health problem or deficiency - then why so squeamish at the thought of corporal punishment?

If you're afraid of the parents disapproving - perhaps they should be more concerned with controlling their child.. They obviously don't care what you think of them or how their child's behavior reflects on them, so why offer them the courtesy of worrying what their thoughts are, if the child's behavior is directly affecting you? Again - as a kid - i was punished by whomever witnessed the act, and there was never any flak because of it... half the time i got it double, once my parents found out what i did, even knowing i was already spanked. When did we, as a society start allowing kids to run the show?

My nephew got into a hitting phase, starting around 5. Old enough where he knows better. He became a bully to his siblings, and to many extents, a bully to his parents as well. They offer zero correction. Their idea of parenting is to sit on a couch and yell. there is never any penalty - be it severe or otherwise.. there is simply no set of rules for this child.

anyways - he was disciplined verbally by me for something he was doing, and his reaction was to hit me square in the face.

I spanked him hard enough for him to feel it, and then placed him in a corner. Whatever dynamic he has with his own parents (he still hits them freely, because they believe in the "buddy system" of parenting - one of the main reasons the rest of my family avoids them like the plague.. their rotten children) anyways - regardless of that dynamic he has with them - he has never even thought to raise his hands to me again.

He's still a horrible little devil spawn - and spanking shouldn't be the first response - but i disagree very strongly with the thought that it shouldn't be considered at all. Below the age of empathy - children are trained much like dogs... immediate causality, immediate effect. Sometimes, all it takes is an immediate penalty to end an otherwise troublesome behavior. That penalty sometimes has to be escalated to a spanking. We're not talking beating, straps, broken chairs over the back or cigarette burns... I've heard that analogy so many times, i have to laugh. Its a spanking.. its introducing some discomfort into the child's bottom, and setting a very clear boundary. Spanking works... I wish people weren't so overly fearful of it.

Now as for spitting.. depending on the age and the type of "spit" - ie: was it hocking a lugie, or merely blowing a raspberry? If the latter - its disrespectful, but common enough in everything they see be it TV, mocking adult behavior, or cartoons... it should be met with a stern verbal correction. If it was a full on lugie however - sorry but that doesn't fly, ever. If the kid doesn't immediately see the error, and be made to apologize for it, spank away.

    Bookmark   April 24, 2011 at 7:14PM
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Let me first say that I'm both a parent (of a grown daughter) and a Parenthood Education teacher.

Re: Spanking--it is NEVER EVER appropriate for a grown-up to hit a child. It teaches that a big person is allowed to hit to get their way (promoting bullying). They learn that it's okay for THEM to hit little kids if they want something or the little one makes them angry. It destroys a child's self-esteem. When the people who should be taking the best care, showing the most love to them HIT them, it sets children up for being okay with abusive relationships as adults. It rarely ever teaches the lesson the grown-up thinks it will--but it teaches a lot of negative ones.

Spanking is NOT discipline. The word discipline means teaching. There are a thousand better ways to teach a child right from wrong.

Spanking is generally used by adults who don't want to be bothered taking the time to actually come up with the appropriate, specific lessons needed to get the individual point across. A good parent corrects each infraction on an individual basis--making the punishment (or I prefer--LESSON) fit the crime. Spanking is generally used as an all-purpose, I-don't-have-to-be-bothered-to-think punishment.

I feel absolutely passionate about how wrong it is to EVER hit a child. And as a parent, NEVER hit/spanked/slapped my child--not even once. Which is not to say she ran wild or was spoiled. We were some of the most strict parents in the neighborhood--but our punishments were designed to teach her about why what she did was wrong, to take responsibility and rectify her mistake, and what she could do to become a better person in the future. My daughter would be the first to tell you we weren't permissive parents. But she's turned out to be a very good, responsible, caring, self-sufficient adult. One who always does the right thing--even when it's hard, who is involved in giving back to her community, who takes care of her friends and family. And her friends? Are always saying they wished their parents were more like us. Discipline CAN be achieved in other ways than hitting or physically/emotionally hurting a child.

Your question was what should you do? Sit back and realize that these children really aren't your responsibility. If they don't behave in your home, if they're causing stress and damage--you need to put your foot down. Not only for your sake, but for theirs. As a parent, I have to say, no one who called my child a 'monster' could EVER be an appropriate caregiver for them, even for an evening. You quite obviously don't want to be around them. Stand up for yourselves and say a firm 'no' next time you're asked to babysit. If asked why--and you've got the strength of character--tell the parents that you refuse to be disrespected by their children any more. If that's not in your make-up--just tell them you're busy, and be busy every time you're asked (previous plans CAN be just watching baseball on TV, of course). But for all your sakes, I think you need to take a step back from this situation, and let the parents handle the job of raising their own children.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2011 at 3:04PM
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"I spanked him hard enough for him to feel it, and then placed him in a corner."

Adults teach children how to behave. If you spank, then that is what they will do. It is common sense.

I don't think it is every appropriate to slap a child. It is abuse. If you do that to another adult you can be charged with a crime. So why should children be subjected to that ?

I feel for children who have parents who don't think this sort of discipline method, through and find a more sensible what dealing with discipline issues.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2011 at 11:00PM
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