Ungrateful Adult Children
Our story began three years ago. I was in Florida visiting relatives when my oldest daughter called in a panic. She was on her way to work crying hysterically. She had been trying for the month or so prior to get her boyfriend to move out of the house. She had decided to break things off because it just wasn't working out for a variety of reasons. They have a son, our grandson who was 4 at the time. The night before she called me, her boyfriend had attacked her while she was in the shower. During the fight he pulled a family heirloom ring off of her finger. That ring means everything to her. Anyway he physically and sexually assaulted her. The next day she left for work, she had tried desperately to get her son to go with her but he wanted to stay home with "daddy". (who could never hold a job and was a couch potato). She called to tell me that she had called his dad to ask for help getting him out of the house. His dad called him and told him she was going to file a restraining order and domestic violence order against him. He (the boyfriend) decided to beat her to the punch and filed them on her. She was served at work and told she could not return to her home until a hearing. She stayed with friends for a few days. They decided to meet at a McDonalds to exchange our grandson because he missed his mommy. Well, he kidnapped her in the parking lot and drove her and our grandson to a local park where he threatened to kill her repeatably. He also threatened to kill my husband and myself and our other daughter so that our grandson would have to live with his family. (all losers) She was able to defuse the situation and calm him down. She managed to get him to take her back to her car and drop her and our grandson off. Immediately she went to the police and filed a report. A day or so later a swat team (6) burst open the door of the house in the middle of the night and arrested him. He spent the next 10 days in jail until the hearing. When we were allowed into the house it was a disaster. He had also had another woman there, we found evidence. This started 9 months of court hearings, fear, traveling back and forth from our house to hers (2 different states) and a lot of money to be spent. I spent every weekend with her and all 4 of my vacations. My husband couldn't be away from his job as much but was there a lot in person but also on the phone with lawyers, prosecutors and the victims advocate. He was also the first one by her side. The reason I tell you this is so that you can understand our pain. This all happened in May. During the summer he was in and out of jail for violating the restraining order. Somehow by December he had gotten to her and got her to drop all of the charges. He ended up having 7, yes 7 felony indictments against him and was looking at several years in jail.
Our Christmas that year was horrible. When she told us she was not going to prosecute I lost my temper and went off on her like I have never done before. I lost it. We spent $20,000 on lawyer bills for our grandson, best in our area, back owed bills so the gas and electric would not be cut off, daycare, food and a car. He had wrecked hers and it was in horrible shape.
By March of the following year when we were to go to trial, he was plead out on 3 misdemeanors. Was given 2 years probation. After the hearing in March where he plead out, we were done with the situation. Found out later they had been back together since December.
He did not pay one penny for lawyers the state pays for all of that. We are out $20,000 for NOTHING! The money means nothing, we would have spent that on her if she had cancer a car wreck or whatever. That's what parents do for their kids, help them when they need it. Right??
Anyway over the last couple of years they have been off and on, off and on, off and on. Just a few months ago they were off and he moved out. She had to file a restraining order against him for stalking. Well they are back on and he is living back in the house.
She informs us the other day that they are getting married. They are getting married in their state during the middle of the week. Let me say that I support her wanting to have her family back together, I get that. "He has changed you know". Because of this and all of the other things we found out during this situation, we are done with him. He is not allowed in our home, period. Our daughter and grandson are of course but she is finding reasons not to come. It's too hard on her to "split her family up" when she comes down. Translation, he gives her crap about it. She, they, he are trying to force us to "get over it" and move on. I can't do that. I have been civil to him for the sake of our grandson but that's it. I can not attend this wedding and support a decision that I do not believe in. Plus I just am not going to give up another vacation of mine for this "guy". There is so much more to this story that I could ever put into words.
I had an argument with my daughter the other day about her behavior towards me for mother's day. We drove to her state to take my mother in law to dinner and wanted her and our grandson to join us. She got very angry with us because we were not going to go to his sporting event that was later in the day because we wanted to get home. It's a 15 hour day for us to make this trip. She could not understand why we couldn't stay another 2 hours. I might add during the "summer from hell" my husband and I were up at 4:00 am EVERY Saturday to be at her house and at our grandson's soccer games for her and his safety and stability in his life. At the time the situation with his family was very tense to say the least and her safety was a big issue. So she was a smart ass when we saw her at Mother's day and very flippid. A few days later we had an argument over the phone and we have not spoken since. We used to talk 4 or 5 times a day either via email, text or phone. We were very close and this situation brought us closer together.
Now that he is back in the picture, it's all changed and things have gone back to the way it was before. Although I will say he has a good job now.
I am devastated by her behavior. It's like she has forgotten all that we did for her. She is ungrateful, disrespectful and it's so hurtful. Our relationship with her is going to be strained because of the past but now our relationship with our grandson is changing and she promised us it never would no matter what.
I am letting her go because I have no more time for the drama. I will say that I have now lost my best female friend and it is devastating. I want her to be happy but I just can't support her marrying this man.
What do I do? How can she forget all of the pain that this man has caused our family?? How can she forgive him for this and not forgive us for not going to our grandson's sporting event?????
I am at a loss here.
Thanks for listening......ellasmomma.