My brother is leeching off my parents
I'll start off by saying the reason I am posting on this forum is to get advice to see if I am within my rights to intervene in this situation, as I don't want to over step my boundaries. My mother has spoken to me (very upset) on several occasions about the circumstances with my brother, and has asked for my assistance, otherwise I would normally not consider intervening. I am a 26 year old female and have lived away from home for most of my adult life.
My brother is 19 years old and has taken advantage of my parents for far too long. Where do I start?
He has always been given expensive things from my parents or had them pay for things that he should really pay for (video games etc). However, it's probably best to cover the problems that have led my mother to seek my assistance.
- They paid $10,000 for him to complete a diploma in multimedia that all he needs to do is finish 1 subject for, but he is too lazy to do this. The diploma will be null and void if he doesn't finish it, and my father has already got the deadline extended once.
- He lied to my parents about a girl he met over the internet (he said he met her here and she moved overseas). My parents paid thousands of dollars for him to go overseas TWICE and stay with her for 3 months each time while he said he was going to work online and finish his diploma which he didn't.
- He moved out of home with his now girlfriend just over 6 months ago, but 4-6 weeks into the lease called home asking how he could get out of it cause it was too expensive and too much hard work (btw he only lived in a 3 bedroom flat - and one room remained empty the whole time he was living there). My parents obviously said he had to stay in the lease or he would get blacklisted. As soon as the lease expired he moved home.
- He works in a part time permanent position that is a government job (which my parents helped him get cause my dad works in the same sector). Mind you they had to push him initially to get a job, but he is doing well and I'm very proud of him. It's a good job and pays well so even though he is working part time hours the money is as good as if he is working a full time job (he also has ALOT of money in the bank over $10,000). So he is definitely not lacking in money and his job is stable.
- My parents said that while he is only working part time (and until he gets a full time job which he agreed he would do) they are okay with him to stay there rent free. He moved home 1 month ago but has not made an effort to even start looking at full time jobs (its not like he doesn't have the time). He gets a room to himself obviously, his meals cooked, clothes washed, doesn't do any housework, his girlfriend stays over EVERY night and gets fed too (they've even changed some of the meals they cooked cause she is vegetarian).
- To make matters worse my brother's girlfriend is very rude to my mother. Several times I have had to hold back the urge to put her in her place when she has been smart mouthed to her (even on my mother's birthday!). She is very sneaky in the way she does it as well, she is never direct in her comments but you can tell they were meant as attacks if you know what I mean. For example, she baked some cookies with ingredients my mother purchased, counted them all, my mother that day took a couple of cookies as a snack, and when my brother's girlfriend went over the next day and saw those cookies missing took them out of the kitchen and to my brother bedroom. Yet, she has no problem eating the food my parents pay for and my mother cooks every night. My mum got really mad with her one night about her rudeness and she left the house sulking, then called her the next day to apologise, but she's back to her old habits.
- They both owe my parents $700 for spending money on a holiday they all went on that they have yet to pay back.
I realise now this question is very long, but I believe some background is important. I will wrap up now with a few things.
My father has little if any involvement in the situation, he'll talk with my mother about it and agree something needs to be done, but when my mother goes to enforce it he never backs her up, and sometimes undermines her in front of them. My brother can even call my mother names in front of him and my father will do nothing.
My questions are:
- Is it my place to even get involved? I truly feel it isn't, but I cannot stand back any longer and let my mother be treated this way.
- If so, is it my father I should talk to? He thinks he is being the good guy that everyone loves, but what I don't think he realises and that I may need to bring to his attention is that his children don't respect him for his behaviour.
- Should I talk to my brother? Even though I'm unsure if this will do any good?
- How should the girlfriends behaviour be addressed? Especially being as sneaky as it is.
I feel like the only way this can be resolved is if my parents act as a cohesive unit together, they don't have the best marriage, but they need to put their differences aside to address the issue.
I really feel I should speak to my dad, but like I said earlier, don't know if it's within my rights to do this.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
and Thanks in advance for your replies.