Keeping the Peace: Mother and Husband
I'm asking this question while trying to be a good daughter. (I suppose it could go on the marriage forum as well).
My mother, divorced from my father, has never accepted my husband (she is the only person in my family who has not.) I think mostly out of jealousy (sense of losing me) and also my husband is a lot like her (strong-willed). I have been married 6 years, and basically my mother and husband both dislike each other (I can't blame my husband at all in this situation). My mother continuously puts my husband down (She even did it while I was in labor -- he was out of the room) when he's not around. To keep the peace (and my own fragile relationship with my mother on an even keel), I ignore it or occasionally defend him when I feel it is necessary (obviously, I never share any of this with my husband). I only tell her good things about him and never complain.
We live in a different state. Mostly I go visit my mother without my husband, and it doesn't cause a problem. However, for various reasons, every 3-4 months my mother comes here to visit. My husband does his best to avoid her but we have a small house. My mother tries to act like all is well and engage him in conversation, etc. He's not one to pretend and is glacially polite (has never been anything but).
But the tension is killing me each time this happens. I can't very well kick my husband out of our own house during these visits. But they are miserable when my mom and husband are in the same room. For me, it causes a lot of stress.
Any thoughts on how I can reduce my own stress during these visits?
My mom and I have always had a turbulent relationship. I have periodically been estranged from her; however, I have always felt that for my own peace, I need to work on our relationship and I know she loves me very much. She is a generous person and adores her grandchild (our son). We just disagree on my husband! I have tried to "change" her all her life without success, so I now just focus on the good things in our relationship. Having our son has helped immensely in taking her focus off of me.