Stressing over age

christians1May 7, 2008

hello,

I always wanted 3 kids. I am currently 38. I had my 1st when I just turned 36. Do you think that having one a 39 and 40 is tool old to be a father. My wife is 6 years younger then me.

Im really stressed over this as I always thought I would have my famialy by the time I was 37 or 38.

Ill I do is look stress over my age and do number crunching like how old were they when this person was born or how old was this person when they had their kids.. I know I cannot do anything about that now but any thoughts on having a baby at 39 and 40.

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sissyfran

I think you are still plenty young to be a Dad. My Dad was 45 and 48 when my brother and I were born. My husband was 44 when my daughter was born. Age is a number. Do you feel old? If you're healthy and wanting another child I wouldn't think twice. Most of my dd classmates have older parents. In fact very few are more than 3-5 years younger than my husband and I (I was 34 when she was born).
Many of the moms were between 40-45 when they had more children.
It's your choice but I sure wouldn't let the age worry me.

    Bookmark   May 7, 2008 at 10:17AM
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carla35

I agree with sissy...age, especially since your the father and not the mother, really shouldn't be that important. I know 40 year olds that act 60 and 60 year olds that act 40. Most of the parents I know are older parents too. Usually the family is more financially secure and sometimes the maturity level that comes with being an older parent is very beneficial to a child. Unless you're unhealthy, I'd say you still have a good 8-10 years in you.

    Bookmark   May 7, 2008 at 11:22AM
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bnicebkind

I know several parents in your age group that started their family at that age. For them, all turned out fine.

    Bookmark   May 7, 2008 at 11:37AM
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ginih

I had babies at 27, 28, 41 and 43. All boys. DH and I are now 56/57. The "little ones" have been a total joy for us--can't imagine life without them. It helps that they are very good kids :-)

    Bookmark   May 7, 2008 at 2:39PM
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stir_fryi

My DH was 44 when our last DD was born. Though he is probably the oldest dad in her class, there are a few that are close.

It was more important to me for my first DD to have sibling then to worry about how old DH was. She won't have him around forever but she will have her sister forever.

    Bookmark   May 7, 2008 at 10:07PM
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popi_gw

I had my children at 27, 31, now I am 47 and its wonderful. I am still relatively young, and still have a few good years in me to do something interesting.

But if I didn't have the choice of having my children when I did, I am sure I would want them at 39, 40 etc....I would not worry about the age factor. You just deal with what you have to, if its right you will do it. Mind you, children are hard work, and having them when you are younger would be easier, as you would have more energy.

    Bookmark   May 8, 2008 at 3:38AM
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christians1

Thanks for all the input.

I cannot stop thinking of it though..I donÂt sleep, I lost weight. its affecting my job. my chest hurts... I think I need to see a doctor.

Thanks again for all the input.. Great information. Thank you

    Bookmark   May 8, 2008 at 9:18AM
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khandi

My uncle was 51 when he had his first child. His son is now an adult living on his own! I say go for it and don't worry. Are you sure it's all about having a child at your age or the fact that you're getting older period?

    Bookmark   May 8, 2008 at 2:43PM
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carla35

christians,

It sounds like you are seriously stressing out. I wonder if there is something more to it than just your age. I couldn't tell if your were joking but with the symptoms you are describing, I would seriously talk to your doctor to rule out some health or depression/anxiety problems.

A couple nights laying in bed thinking about something is one thing. But if you're losing weight, it's affecting your job and your chest hurts, you really do need to talk to your doctor pronto. Good luck.

    Bookmark   May 8, 2008 at 5:41PM
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popi_gw

"I know I cannot do anything about that now but any thoughts on having a baby at 39 and 40."

I think if you are going to embark on a baby project, you need to work on your health, and fitness. When the child is running around, you will want to run around with him, be involved in his/her sport.

I have a friend who is an older dad, he is 55 and has 4 children, under 15. He manages it all because he is fit, he jogs everyday, and has led a healthy life.

This is a real gift to a child. Do all you can to be there for them.

As others have said, you need to have a checkup at the doctors, you sound really stressed.

P

    Bookmark   May 8, 2008 at 7:10PM
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finedreams

38 is plenty young for a guy! You have at least 5 years ahead of you!

    Bookmark   May 8, 2008 at 8:46PM
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citykitty21

I say, go for it! None of us are guaranteed the next breath, and this life is about family, friends, loving and making a positive impact on those mentioned. Having children at a later age keeps you young! Stop worrying and carpe diem!!!

    Bookmark   May 10, 2008 at 9:11AM
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christians1

The tough part is that we have been trying for the last year to have another but no luck. Each month that goes by really takes a toll.. We have been seeing a doctor but again no luck yet..crossing fingers for this month.

I think there is more going.. I still cannot eat or sleep.. i cry on my way to and from work.. i have trouble sitting at my desk..the more i look into this it seems like major depression..

Sorry i just had to write that down.

I am scheduled to see a doctor in a few days.

Thank you.

    Bookmark   May 13, 2008 at 1:40PM
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dirt_yfingernails

It does sound a lot like depression, I hope you find medical help for that.

My dad was 47 & 50 when I and my sister were born. He wasn't in the best of health and passed away at 66, but sis and I wouldn't have traded him for the whole world. He was the best daddy.

    Bookmark   May 21, 2008 at 12:00PM
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christians1

Thanks for all the responses. I have a 2.5 year old now. Its the best thing in the world. I realy realy would like for him to have a sibling. We are trying very hard. I hope it happens soon.

    Bookmark   May 21, 2008 at 12:48PM
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