My 6th grader gets kicked at school

sillygoosieMay 10, 2007

Hi All Parents,

My DD who is in the 6th grade is having problems with a boy in her class. He sits at the desk behind hers and keeps kicking her during class. He also makes fun of her name and teases her about liking some other boy in the same class. My DD is a little timid by nature and does not like confrontations. Also, she knows that this boy has gotten into a few fights with some other kids and hurt some of them pretty badly. He has got suspension from school once already.

DD has tried telling this bully many times to stop bothering her but he won't. She is very upset and doesn't know any other way to handle this situation. My husband and I have scheduled an appointment with her teacher to get this sorted out but DD is scared that the bully will hurt her some way if he comes to know that she has made a complain against him.

I am at my wits end trying to get her to realise that she shouldn't be scared of bullies. What do I do ?

Worried Mom.

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"DD has tried telling this bully many times to stop bothering her but he won't. She is very upset and doesn't know any other way to handle this situation."

Has she asked the teacher to change her seat?

    Bookmark   May 10, 2007 at 8:18AM
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She has spoken with her teacher and the teacher has also told the kid to stop his behaviour but to no avail.

    Bookmark   May 10, 2007 at 8:34AM
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The teacher should move the bully to the front of the classroom so she can keep an eye on him better and so he can't kick anyone. I think what you are doing is correct, a sit down with the teacher. Let her know you want the bully to change his seat not your daughter. Your daughter did everything right she shouldn't be the one to change. If the bullying continues, I'd go to the principle and have the boy removed from your daughter's class. Let them know how serious you consider the bullying issue, and how it is affecting your daughter. Good luck, NancyLouise

    Bookmark   May 10, 2007 at 9:05AM
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Not trying to defend the boy's actions - which are clearly wrong - but to me, it doesn't sound like bullying. It sounds more like an immature boy with poor social skills who has a crush on your DD and doesn't know what to do about it.

But the advice to move the boy to a seat where the teacher can keep an eye on him is good advice.

    Bookmark   May 10, 2007 at 10:41AM
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I got the same impression as sweeby...sounds like a little crush, but nowadays and with his history, I guess you can't be too cautious. I'd send a note to the teacher to move one of them so your daughter doesn't have to put up with him...then agian, he may just come up with another way or time to get her attention so watch out.

    Bookmark   May 10, 2007 at 11:05AM
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I have been scrolling like mad to say the same thing that Sweeby said.
Typical behavior for a 6th grader with a crush.
Get the teacher to change his seat...or her seat...but don't make too big a thing about it or your daughter will suffer for it...if not from the guy who's kicking her seat but other kids as well.
6th graders can be cruel. They are beginning the raging hormones age but don't know how to deal with their feelings, so they resort to seat kicking, arm punching and shoving to show affection, and ostracize and taunt those who are not "cool"..or whatever the term is now. I know, I have 3 grandsons in 6th grade.
Linda C

    Bookmark   May 10, 2007 at 1:16PM
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In our district the lower elementary classes change the seating often so as to socialize the kids, make new acquaintances to work on projects with, etc. I had an issue in the past wherein I requested that my DD seat be moved. The incident in particular involved another student around the same age as your DD. When I spoke with teacher I didn't mention the other student's name, but her response was "not a problem, I will make the change in the morning". Not a big deal. The teacher may not take the request seriously from a student, but should certainly take it seriously if the parent is requesting it.

However, if the seating is given in the beginning of the year and never deviated from, it is going to be obvious that your daughter is being moved for a reason, and that may set up a whole different set of issues for her to deal with. Prepare her just in case.

I am with the posters regarding the "crush" behavior. I don't think it is bullying.

Best of luck to you.

    Bookmark   May 12, 2007 at 9:15PM
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I think that if it were a case of a crush, your daughter would also have some sense of that and not be so fearful. The fact that the boy has been suspended and has gotten into some scuffs where he has hurt other kids speaks to a different problem. He has poor social skills and zero impulse control. He likes the feeling of power he gets from being intimidating. My guess is that he has some home problems and a poor behavioral example in his family life.

I think the school needs to be doing something to protect your daughter from bullying and raising general awareness about what constitutes bullying. Most schools have a zero tolerance policy about hazing, bullying, and any form of violence that involves physical contact.

I recall a story from my sister's childhood. There was a bully in her class. Mostly he bothered other kids but when he turned on her she decked him, once. Hard. She caught hell but he never picked on her again. I was tormented in the 4th or 5th grade by a kid who called me names and taunted me for months. I gave him a swift kick in the shins. Yes, I caught hell, too. But he left me alone afterward. Last resort option, of course! A bully will always whine the loudest when someone turns the tables on them.

    Bookmark   May 14, 2007 at 12:16AM
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Just today, an 18 year old was awarded $1million compensation for bullying at school. I am not sure of the specifics of the case, but I do know the boy is now quite severely restricted in his life.

This is the first time someone has received compensation like that, here, so I think schools may be brushing up on the conduct of students. Which is a good thing.

    Bookmark   May 14, 2007 at 3:17AM
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I agree with Barnmom. Fighting with other kids, suspension. Even if this boy's behaviour toward your daughter is motivated by a crush, he needs some firm guidance as to what's acceptable. But I think anyone who is unfortunate enough to sit in front of him will be treated the same way. He should definately be moved right up the front where the teacher can sort him out.

    Bookmark   May 14, 2007 at 6:42AM
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