DD told other children there is no tooth fairy -- moms mad

livvysmomApril 18, 2007

A parent called me tonight to tell that on a Girl Scout fieldtrip my DD (almost age 7) told the other girls in the car that there is "no such thing as the tooth fairy, it's our parents." Apparently the driver (another mom) was very upset. The mother that called (not the driver) even said, "I don't know what I would have done if she had said it in front of my daughter." Apparently the driver made something up about it and then changed the subject.

I do know that my daughter is very skeptical of a fairy flying into her room during the night but I would never admit to her that it was made up (mostly because I thought she'd then start to doubt Santa Claus). I told the mother that called that I would talk to my daughter about it.

I did feel bad but I am slightly taken aback that these mothers don't expect that these things may start to happen at this age. I did tell my daughter to keep her opinions to herself on the subject but she didn't do it maliciously.

Did I under-react to the situation?

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sweeby

No - The other mothers over-reacted. What did they think would happen? Somebody always tells...

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 10:08PM
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coolmama

I agree with Sweeby.Kids are kids.Someone at my daughter's school also told her there was no Santa Claus when she was in second grade. I didnt get all mad about it...I just told my daughter she had to believe there was or she wouldnt get any toys.
Really,she knows,and she has known for a while I think.We still like to pretend though because it makes it funner for her.
It will blow over,dont worry about it.

    Bookmark   April 19, 2007 at 3:14AM
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livvysmom

Thanks -- that helps me so much. I do want to add that my daughter is very smart in school and is mature for her age -- truthfully, the whole thing (flying fairy) doesn't make sense to her. It is probably my fault for not telling her earlier that other children are free to believe what they want and that she should not tell them otherwise.

    Bookmark   April 19, 2007 at 7:42AM
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lindac

Flying fairy doesn't make sense? Well, how else would a fairy get around?!
Frankly I would be more worried as to WHY she felt it necessary to tell those others. Did the subject of the tooth fairy just come up and your daughter said "it's all your parents"? Or did she just come out with it out of the blue because she wanted to appear smarter or more grown up or something?
And I really can't believe that a 7 year old hasn't begun to doubt the Santa myth, let alone the tooth fairy. Perhaps your daughter didn't tell these kids something they didn't already know.
Linda C

    Bookmark   April 19, 2007 at 11:01AM
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livvysmom

Frankly I would be more worried as to WHY she felt it necessary to tell those others. Did the subject of the tooth fairy just come up and your daughter said "it's all your parents"? Or did she just come out with it out of the blue because she wanted to appear smarter or more grown up or something?

The parent on the phone told me that one of the girls had a loose tooth and they were discussing what they had gotten in the past from the TF. She did not bring it up out of the blue.

Hey at least she didn't tell them where babies come from (of course she doesn't know yet).

    Bookmark   April 19, 2007 at 7:28PM
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coolmama

Haha,really! That is too funny.

    Bookmark   April 19, 2007 at 8:21PM
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carla35

My son is a year older but his friends are always discussing, even arguing about the existance of Santa and have been for a year or two. You know...some of his friends have actually seen Santa delivering the presents and Santa even leaves special fairy dust at one of the kids house. I think it's sort of funny.

I don't think 7 is too young to have an opinion about the tooth fairy being parents.

If your daugther does know for a fact about the tooth fairy and Santa, then I would inform her not to tell other people that she knows for a fact and especially not to mention it to younger kids...but what is she suppose to do if asked or if they are innocently discussing it...lie? Kids talk and how do you tell her not to discuss it without ruining it prematurely for her. Those moms need to take a chill pill.

    Bookmark   April 19, 2007 at 11:23PM
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popi_gw

When the child in the car revealed to the other children that TF does not exist, the mum should have come up with a clever remark.

Something like "Gee, is that what happens in YOUR house, in OUR house, the fairy always visits".

Its ridiculous that the mum phoned up and complained about the daughter. She must be off with the fairies, herself !

In my house, we have the mummyfairy, who did lots of magical things, that always went down well.

P

    Bookmark   April 20, 2007 at 3:34AM
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vannie

Somebody has to tell; it might as well be your child! I personally never pushed the tooth fairy. What a silly concept. Who wants a fairy flying around their room at night? What else could fly around? How will they feel when they find out you've outright fibbed about this? I never liked the tooth fairy! If your daughter hadn't told, someone else would have. I wouldn't worry about it.

    Bookmark   April 21, 2007 at 9:31PM
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macbirch

Like Popi said, there should have been a clever way for the mum to handle it without upsetting anyone. How ridiculous. They're going to find out sometime. (BTW we never had a tooth fairy.)

    Bookmark   April 22, 2007 at 8:32AM
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lavender_grower

Clearly that mother must not have older children! In my experience, the older ones tell the younger almost everything as soon as they discover it.

Your daughter didn't do anything wrong. She was just being a kid and sharing what she thought was something important with her friends. And I agree that it's useful to let her know that others can choose to believe other things than what she believes. That's a good life lesson for all of us!

    Bookmark   April 22, 2007 at 12:50PM
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bnicebkind

When my child was in kindergarden, a friend of my child told all of the kids that there really is no Santa. Her parents do not celebrate Christmas at all because of their beliefs, and were very clear with their children about why they do not celebrate Christmas, explaining clearly to their kindergarden and preschool children that Santa is not real, and that parents that tell their children that Santa is, are lying to their children, and that they wanted their children to know the truth, and to know that "they" will always tell their children the truth, so that their kids will know that they can trust them. They did not want to act like Santa was real, and have their children believe they had lied or misled them, and believe that they could not trust what their parents said.

You can imagine how upset the other moms were when their kindergarden children are telling them what the other children were told, and then asking "is Santa real mommy"? You will always tell me the truth, won't you mommy? Under "that" senerio, we were all put in a situation we did not want to be in so early, and had to admit the truth. Some of the kids even told that mom what her daughter told them, and she affirmed that her daughter had told them the truth, and went on to explain the same thing she told her children.
You can imagine how upset a couple of the moms were with that mom.

    Bookmark   April 24, 2007 at 8:30PM
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carla35

I wonder what that mom told her kids when they asked where babies came from? Some people...

    Bookmark   April 24, 2007 at 11:00PM
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adellabedella_usa

I think if an adult told my child about Santa, my child and I would also be having a discussion on respecting others and their beliefs.

My oldest ds is in first grade. So far he believes. He lost his tooth the night before Easter and thought that was exciting because the Easter Bunny and the Toothfairy probably wouldn't get to meet each other otherwise. I'm going to miss this sweetness when it's gone, but I know it could happen at any time. Unless someone maliciously told my chidren, I wouldn't have a reason to be mad.

My kids have never been told anything but the truth about where babies come from. My oldest was 3 1/2 when my last child was born. He and my other ds watched TLC's "A Baby Story" with me when I was pregnant. We've never discussed graphic details of how the baby gets in there or gets out, but the kids know that babies grow in mommy's tummy. Even so, there is still a lot that they don't understand.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 1:33PM
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ArabellaMiller

My standard line to my kids about Santa is "Santa is real to kids who celebrate Christmas." Same thing with the Tooth Fairy, if you believe it's real, then it's real and you'll get money. My 3rd grader doesn't believe, but my Kindergartener is all over it.

A few years ago we were out to dinner in Manhattan with the kids and my older son had just lost a tooth. We convinced him that we actually saw the toothfairy that night going into an apartment building. Actually, it was the Saturday night before Halloween and it was a girl dressed as Tinkerbell, but hey, he bought it.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 5:51PM
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stephanie_in_ga

I think the mom calling about this was over the top, too.

When DS#1 was about 4 we had some family friends with a 3 y/o daugther. Our husbands worked together, the mom and myself, both SAHMs, spent a lot of time together with our kids. One day her DD repeatedly sat right next to my DS, snuggled up to him, told him "I love you." Very sweet, yeah, yeah. But my DS was .. "not that into her." LOL. He would move away, she'd move to him, over and over. He even said nicely "Please don't follow me." She kept saying "I love you" and wanted DS to say it back. He never did.

Later that mom called me to say that she felt DS owed her DD an apology, that he really hurt her feelings. That her DD was kind and loving, saying "I love you" and DS was mean to not say it back.

I told her I didn't think an apology was owed to anyone. I'm sorry her feelings were hurt. But what was in order was a mother-daughter conversation about unwanted affection. Hurt feelings are like scraped knees. If you make a big deal over every single scratch, a child will grow up dramatizing everything that happens.

She said, "Ya know, that is exactly what my husband told me." Huh!?

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 7:09PM
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centralcacyclist

Wait until her child meets the child of an atheist! It's all a matter of perspective.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 11:19PM
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bookmom41

I don't usually visit this forum, just stumbled in today, but I like this thread because the same thing happened to me. A mother called me to complain when my son was in second grade--he bet her daughter and the daughter's best buddy (and the mothers were best buds, too) $20 that there was no Santa Claus. They were taking this very seriously, and I couldn't help but laugh and say that I would not let him collect on the bet. For pete's sake--by second grade, some children do start questioning the Santa/Easter Bunny/tooth fairy myths. And, I was totally taken aback by it being my son saying there was no Santa for at home, he was still writing letters with lists for Santa and talking about him. Yes, the mothers who called you were totally overreacting and were unrealistic to boot. As someone said, it is one thing if an adult were the one debunking the myth, but another child?

    Bookmark   April 27, 2007 at 7:23AM
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