Senior citizen mom unbalanced
This is my first post on this forum so I apologize for any etiquette I may breach.
I really need some advice on how to deal with my senior citizen mom. She is a 64 year old retired single woman. Geez it's hard to know where to even start.
I guess I will start with today. My mom says things that are so completely inappropriate and hurtful. Today was my grand daughters 3 year old birthday. We had her party at my house with my family including my mom. We had a pinata for my 3 year old grand daughter. She didn't know to pick up the candy off the ground. She picked up one candy and was opening it to eat it instead of stuffing her bag with candy like the other kids were doing. My mom popped off and yelled at her to pick up the candy and when my grand daughter wouldn't do it my mom called her 'retarded'. In front of everyone!
I quickly turned to look at my mom and said "don't call her that!" (I have to admit that at that very moment even though my blood was boiling, I felt a tinge of pride in myself).
Maybe I'm too passive but this is the first time I've talked to my mom this way. I am at my wits end with her inappropriate words. I was proud of myself to stand up for my grand daughter. It didn't seem to phase my mom at all.
This isn't the first time she has done things like this. I've wanted to tell her this is why people don't want to be around her. But how? Hell I don't even want to be around her.
I will add a bit of history. I was estranged from my mom for several years. Only visiting her on holidays. She can be very controlling and the only way I could have my own life was to stay away from her completely. She came back into my life on a regular basis about 3 years ago. I really needed help at the time. I was disabled and had lost my job of 18 years. My car broke down and my retirement savings was dwindling to nothing. She helped me to get back on my feet. At the time I didn't mind that she was so willing to help. I see it now as her opportunity to control me. So much so that when I was finally able to buy a car she refused to take me car shopping because it meant I wouldn't need her for rides anymore.
So fast forward a bit. I am employed. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I live with. I have a cozy home with everything I could need. I have a car. I'm independent again. I have helped her over the past 2 years. I feel a bit obligated since she helped me so much to get re-established. I guess what I'm saying is.. Is it enough already?
I've considered becoming estranged to her again just for the sake of my sanity. If I tell her when she is being inappropriate it will hurt her. If I stay away from her it will hurt her. Which is the lesser of two? How do you tell your 64 year old mom to shut her mouth and mind her own business?
p.s I could write about 20 more incidents similar to this one in which she spouted off something that made everyone's mouths drop. Just to say this is not an isolated incident.
Thanks in advance to any advice offered,