mother and husband problems
I've lurked around here a while and read many posts. After being so confused I've decided to post for opinions that are unbiased.
Here is my question....Is my mom being over protective?
I want to give you some background. I was married 16 yrs to my childrens father. I have twin daughters that are 21 and in college so they dont live at home. I also have a 10 year old son that live with me and my 2nd husband of 3 yrs now. My first husband (children's dad) passed away 3 years ago.
My new husband is very good to my children. My daughters arent home much but when they are here he is wonderful about cooking for them and they like him. My son loves him too. They play video games together and pass football outside. My husband never complains about driving my son 600 miles to WVA and 600 miles back 3 to 4 times a year to see his fathers family. He really is good to him.
My mother has always had a problem with my new husband. She is still very much grieving over my 1st husband death. She says he was like a son to her. I understand that because I miss him very much too. Actually my entire family (my father,sister,brother) were very close to my first husband and miss him alot. But it seems that my 2nd husband cant be given a fair chance.
My mother and husband has had differences a few times in the past 3 yrs. She DID NOT want me to marry him. She says it was too soon. (we were divorced 5 yrs before he passed away) There have been a few instance where my mom has been at my house and have had words with my husband. She makes comments about it being Billy and Kym's house. Not my new husbands house. Ive moved from that house now. She doesnt want my husband to dicipline my son. My husband now (Wesley)has spanked my son about 3 times in 3 yrs. My mom found out the Thursday that he had spanked him and when he came to pick my son up. She jumped all over my Wesley (in front of my son) and would not let him take him home. Told him I would have to come and get him and shoved my son into her bedroom so he couldnt go. My son was saying "no Mema I want to go with Wes" My husband just left and called me and told me to go get him when I got off of work.
When I went to pick him up she was trying to argue with me. I wouldnt I just got my son and left. I havent talked to her until this morning she called me at work. She said she wouldnt be able to pick my son up because she was doing her taxes. I had not planned on her picking him up. Ive made other arrangements. She told me if I wanted to be with "him" tht was my business. But that she didnt want him spanking my son. Is this her business? Am I wrong? She tried saying my son was scared because she was going to say something to Wes when he got there to pick him up. From what I could tell and after talking to my son. He was upset because he said Mema overreacts and he didnt want her to hurt Wesley's feeling" He then said "why doesnt she like Wes" My son knows that he can get a "sympathy" from my mom. And he does work it. She feels sorry for him because his dad died and she will tell everyone that "Landon(my son) can do no wrong. So yes as a 10 yr old he does work it. I hope he has learned his lesson after this.
Its just that this sort of thing has happened several time with my mother and my husband. My husband will never argue with her but it sure seems she is trying hard to pick fights. He will leave and I think this makes her mad. Its not always about my son....it could be about him smoking to him living in mine and "Billy's" house (weve moved now) to how I spend the Survivors benefit check tht is for my son. Is any of this really her business. What do I do? my mom and I used to be close really close. But looking back we got along because I was always doing whatever she thought I should do. Now at 41 Ive changed alot of things in my life some not by choice and she is always telling me I make bad decisions and has always meade me fell like nothing.
I pointed out to her that my step father spanked me. What is the difference?
Sorry this is long but felt that the background needed to be told. There are so many "instances: with my mon I couldnt begin to tell them all.
Thanks in advance for taking the time to read and reply.