I've been replaced.
I'm new to this forum and I hope someone has some advice for me.
I'm 61 and my mother has replaced me with an "adopted" daughter. I don't know who this person is. My mother and I have never gotten along but over the past 50 years I have tried and tried. Mostly I only last a few minutes before she starts in on me with her judgements, criticizing and trying to embarrass me. She lives 5 hours away from me and financially and emotionally I can't just drop everything and run up to see her whenever she demands it.
Short version of the latest. My step father died. I don't know him, was never close to him and both he and my mother were abusive to my youngest son who tried to be "the" grandson to them. So no emotional ties to the man at all. After the message she left about the funeral (no viewing just burial and a luncheon) I called and left her a message and said we could not afford to make the trip and my husband's job was precarious and he could not just take the day off without endangering his job. I heard nothing more.
The day after he was buried I called to see how she was doing. First part of the conversation she complained about her husband's only son. Said "he wants his dad's gold watch and that is ALL I'm giving him". she was laughing about it, like she had the POWER.
Eventually she got around to talking about her own "arrangements". I said I would have thought she'd inform me of her wishes since I am her only child. To which she replied that her adopted daughter would be handling everything and she was leaving everything to her. This "friend" has been there for her when I have not, and on and on. This friend lives near her and is at her beck and call, whereas I will not put my family in jeopardy to do her bidding. She told everyone at the funeral that I wasn't there because my animals were more important than she was. I have one small dog which I would have had to bring if I could have made the trip and she would have had a fit about that too.
I was crushed when she said this. Believe me she is serious. My whole life she has been thrilled that I have had very little while she lived high on the hog. I guess I should mention that she stole my inheritance from my grandfather. It was supposed to be turned over to me but of course never was. Aunts and Uncles said I should sue her, but I kept thinking she's my mother she will do what's right, and never did. She even kept bonds my gramps took out in his name and mine(his g/f told me about them). What did she hope? That I would die and she could get those too? They were'nt even worth much.
This isn't about the money or inheritance. Its about being replaced so cavalierly just because I wouldn't jump when she said jump. Once she wanted me to put my (then) 3 animals into a kennel (my expense) and drive 5 hours up there to babysit her husband (senile) so she could go into the hospital and have elective surgery. I refused and she informed me then that she would be leaving her money to whoever was taking care of her at the end and it wouldn't be me. I just figured she was ticked cuz I said no to her unreasonable demands again.
Any advice? I'm so hurt by her words and actions I can barely breathe. Her friends think she's the best thing since sliced cheese. Its only me that she has abused for all of my 60 years. Obviously she puts a different face on for them than she does for me.