Son Turned Against Father
I am a single father, raising my two boys alone (B just turned 10, and D will be 15 in April, 2007). Their mother left us January, 2005. We fought a vicious court battle, and I won custody. The boy's mom has disappeared for about eight months now. My youngest son, B, has suffered serious trauma, but has made good progress. He has been seeing a therapist for about eight months, and also sees a psychiatrist.
The three of us have been involved in Celebrate Recovery for about 16 months now. My oldest boy has been very active with Celebrate Recovery, and even wanted to start a youth recovery band. He enjoy(ed) playing his guitar very much, until recently.
My oldest son, D, has turned against me, has become very withdrawn, and is suicidal. The nightmare began .....
My son has recently become very hostile towards me. Saturday evening, February 3rd, he threatened to kill himself. I called 911. The police came out and took him away to SBHC (Stanislaus Behaviorial Health Center). They evaluated him, and took him to the Hutton House. He stayed at the Hutton House for 12 days, and seemed to be making some progress. They released him two days early, claiming that he was stabilized.
Services for children have been seriously cut in our county, so there is no longer a place where they can lock up children for observation/safety. I cannot afford to drive the long distance to other places where they might lock up my son.
When my son, D, threatened to kill himself, he told me that he couldn't handle the pressures of life anymore, and that he has been thinking about killing himself for a long time. During his stay at the Hutton House, I met with several counselors twice. There were two counselors present during the first session, and three counselors present the second session.
The same day that my son came home, he wanted to go to his youth group at church. My two boys and I went to Family Night. My youngest son went to the AWANA club. Before church, my oldest son and I had met with the pastor who does counseling. My oldest boy seemed to connect with the pastor and agreed to the ideas he suggested.
The next day, Thursday, my oldest boy became very negative, hostile, and told me again that he does not want to live with us. He told me that he can't follow my rules, and that he needs to do life on his own terms. He thinks that I'm unreasonable, asking him to do too much (too many chores, accept too much responsibility, holding him up to high standards ....).
My son D has turned against me to the point that he doesn't want to live with us, and even claims that he has never wanted to live with us. I know for certain that this is not true! I have been very actively involved with my children ever since they were born. The day my son, D, threatened to kill himself, we had been swimming earlier that morning, and everything seemed to be just fine!!
Even though we are poor, my oldest son has so many good things going for him. He has lots of friends, gets to spend the night with his friends, have them over, go on trips with the youth group, goes to church regularly, is invloved with the youth at Celebrate Recovery at two churches, plays(ed) his guitar at home as loud as he wants to, just got a new iPod, has hundreds of albums to listen to, his own tv, boombox, cd player, bicycle, computer .....
(The boys' mother was never involved with the kids personally, and she had even expressed openly many times that she wanted her friends to adopt our boys. She and her friends even had my youngest son convinced that we found him in a dumpster, and that I was not his father!!)
My son is not being honest, and is in complete denial. He has become so negative, that he has a negative answer for everything. He cannot give me any specific reasons why he doesn't care about me or his little brother (age 10), or why he doesn't want to live with us anymore. He has become very lazy, irresponsible, defiant, always wants his own way, doesn't like things that he used to enjoy (favorite foods, playing guitar, activities).
We have had lots of stress in our lives, but things have stabilized pretty much. Last summer (2006) we moved from our tiny apartment into an older three bedroom home. We have lots of space now.
Some of the stress factors in our lives: 1) D got kicked out of the guitar class (he loves to play guitar), 2) got kicked out of high school (low grades, and poor attendance - he was on a district transfer, and was held to much higher standards than regular students), 3) Lost a good friend of the family two days before Christmas, 4) financial problems, 5) medical problems, 6) boys' mother caused great trauma (abuse by her and her friends), 7) boys' mother has abandoned them
I can't afford the costs of a private school. We have Medical, so my boys can see a therapist. My son D was evaluated by my younger son's therapist, but will have to see a different therapist (conflict of interest), hopefully soon.
I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown!! My son D is turning away from everyone who loves him and cares about him. One of the pastors at his home church came to visit him at the Hutton House, but D refused to see him.
Now my son D is talking about getting immancipated. I really don't want to lose my boy. He is suffering from trauma, which seems to be much worse than his younger brother. My youngest son, B, is a role model of how we should work our recovery!! He is very outspoken, shares his problems and concerns, and admits that he has issues and deals with them in a healthy manner, and openly accepts advice and help from anyone!
I'm very concerned that my oldest boy might try and hurt himself, or run away, or end up in a foster home. I'm afraid that if he goes to a foster home, I may lose him for good. He refuses to follow simple rules, and becomes very angry and hostile when I give him consequences. He even wrote down a list of consequences, which he agreed to follow (as advised by counselors at the Hutton House), but refuses to apply anything that he learned at the Hutton House.
I'm at my wits end, and cannot get a good nights sleep. My youngest boy, B, is very stressed out, has trouble sleeping, and cannot concentrate in school. He cries often, and tries to talk with his brother, but his older brother only makes matters worse.
To complicate our situation further ... our landlord is having the place assessed, which must mean that she wants to sell the house. I'm afraid that we may have to move, which I cannot afford!! This will mean, most likely, that we will be homeless. I hope that we can stay, but .........
I also have serious health problems, which make it difficult to work. I don't have any choice, I must work. We do have a roommate who helps pay the rent. She will also be homeless too, if we have to move. Any suggestions, resources, phone numbers, prayers .... would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks and God bless.