help dealing with annoying friend of dd

helpwiththisFebruary 23, 2008

My dd has a friend who is VERY annoying, not only to me and my dh but to my dd and sd. The girl calls constantly, if you do not answer she calls multiple times in a row. When she comes over she always tries to stay longer than planned and tries to invite herself to sleepover. I have told the girl not to call multiple times, that she needs to leave a message and dd will call her back when she can. I told her that when people do not answer it is usually because they are busy. When my dd tells her she can not sleepover she will come to me and ask me what we are doing that day or the next day that she can not sleepover! Lately my dd and her have been arguing when the girl comes over. She is so bossy and my dd has finally stopped giving in to the bosiness.

The problem is my dd no longer wants to play with this girl, but is too nice to tell her so she will still let her come over. I feel bad for the girl as well because her dad has never been a part of her life and her mother is in and out of rehab. The girls grandparents raise her, though her grandfather recently passed away and it is just her and her grandmother.

My dd and her no longer go to school together, as the girls grandma put her in a private school. The girl always says my dd is her only friend ( I can see why!!)

And we did try phasing the girl out. My dd made excuses why they could not hang out all the time for about a month and the girl kept calling and trying to make plans. She is actually at our house right now, playing for a few hours. Before she came over she was trying to get my dd to ask me if she could sleepover, but my dd told her that she was not asking and she could not sleepover. The girl has been being bossy all day and when my dd says she does not want to play something that she wants to play she was repeatedly asking my dd to play it. I finally looked at the girl and told her that if someone says no then it is rude to continue asking! I don't want to be mean to the girl, but she does not accept the answer no. I know it is probably the fault of the grandparents because they love her and tried to give her everyting to make up for her parents, but it is so hard not to dislike the girl!

Any suggestions?

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What are the ages of the girls ?

I can see why this is happening. The child seems lonely and your home is somewhere that she likes being.

The friendship is doomed, isn't it ?

So harsh as it may seem, stop asking her over, she will get the message, sooner or later. At least she is at a different school.

Sure she is in a sad situation,a but you have done your best with the child. You must put your DD first, and consider her wishes.

Time will sort this out.


    Bookmark   February 23, 2008 at 11:43PM
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Heck, I have a 65 yr. old acquaintance who calls multiple times and won't leave a message, then denies she called when confronted with it. I've asked her to think about the fact that maybe I could not get to the phone as soon as she would like but if she'd start a message maybe I'll get to the phone while she's leaving it or just leave the message and I'll call back!

This same person doesn't invite herself to sleep over but will ask if she can accompany me on my vacation! :-)

    Bookmark   February 24, 2008 at 12:07PM
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I had a similar problem with my daughter when she was 11- she is now 13. Summer was a few weeks away and I waited until then to let DD's friend know that over the summer I was going to be making many plans with family and other friends and asked that she not call. I called her mom to let her know that I was going to be encouraging DD to spend time with other friends as I was worried about the two spending so much time together. She agreed it would be hard but might be a good decision.

I made an effort to keep DD involved and busy. When friend would call I reminded her that DD had family plans and that she should take this time to develop other friendships as well. After a month she stopped calling by the end of the summer I got a call from her mother saying that her daughter found other girls to spend time with and instead of investing herself in just one friend she was spreading it around. It seems it worked out well for everyone.

DD sees friend at school but both have found other girls with similar interests and moved on...

Hope that helps.I have found that kids with difficult backgrounds occasionally attach themselves to our family since we are very involved and stable but sometimes that isn't healthy for the friend or our family. Family always comes first so any friend who isn't kind to siblings or doesn't know when it's time to go home or how to behave doesn't get asked back.

I've learned that preventing a friendship isn't as easy as just encouraging another friendship so that's the route we take.

    Bookmark   February 24, 2008 at 3:05PM
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