Adult child needs advice
As I'm writing this, I'm wearing disposable gloves and earplugs. Yes, it's weird but I have a reason. Let me start by telling you why I can't move out.
I'm 26 and I live with my parents. I want desperately to move out but I can't take care of myself and I can't work due to as yet undiagnosed sleep disorders. I'm TRYING to get on disability and to get my health fixed and get an apartment or something but disability keeps telling me for months now that they have no appointments available and they're also notorious for denying people the first FEW times they apply and no doctor has been able to help me, yet.
The problem is that my dad is the most annoying person in the world. Really.
He is a constant source of odd, intrusive noises. He claims that he's "congested" and maybe he is but I get congested and so do other people and they're not a one man noise factory. He clears his throat as loud as humanly possible, as often as humanly possible. I am not exaggerating. We live in a large three story house and I can hear him ANYWHERE in the house, EVEN with earplugs. There is NO reason in the world why this is necessary. He makes these weird popping noises in the back of his throat, he makes these odd groans, he sniffs quickly twice followed by a weird moan. He pitches his voice very high and squeals. He makes clipping noises when he bites his nails, he clicks his nails together, he makes that snorting back mucous noise because he refuses to blow his nose, and many more noises. Many annoying noises and the earplugs muffle them at best. I can't hide away from him my whole life. I need to live too. I can't be a hermit in hiding just to avoid him, although that's actually what I have to do most of the time when my patience wears out, and it goes pretty fast because he's a constant onslaught of annoyance. He also won't get hearing aids so he blasts the tv and doesn't care if anyone else is uncomfortable because of it, he's also constantly asking people to repeat themselves when a few years ago, he would say, "the pope doesn't repeat his sermon" if you asked him to repeat himself if you happened to miss what he said.
But the noises aren't everything. He's disgusting. He won't shower regularly and he re-wears the same soiled clothing many days in a row. He's not poor by any means. He can afford soap, water, and clean clothing. To make it even better, he absolutely refuses to use deodorant. He doesn't own any. I've bought some and left them on his sink but he throws them out. Probably because he's weight, he sweats a lot. He stinks. He constantly has his fingers in his mouth because he bites his nails and he wipes them on the couch and flings the clippings onto the floor. He uses toothpicks and leaves them around the house on the furniture. Since he refuses to use tissues, he wipes his mucus off with his FINGERS and of course he refuses to wash his hands so he deposits mucus and saliva on everything he touches. Hence why I've taken to wearing gloves, disinfecting everything daily and having to rewash any dishes and eating utensils before I can use them. I also can't eat anything that he touches, like bread if he puts his hand on it to stabilize it while cutting, cheese, pretty much anything unpackaged that I'm not sure that he's touched.
YES, it is his house and I'm existing on his charity because I'm way past childhood and he doesn't have to take care of me anymore but that's besides the fact. I AM ungrateful. I can't help it. He makes no attempt to get along and I don't want to have anything to do with him. I can't stand to be around him. I don't have the saintlike patience it would take. He's embarrassing and offensive. I would like to have a good relationship with my own father but he makes it so that I can't stand to be anywhere near him. He makes no attempt to make fewer noises or to even make them quieter. He doesn't even care if he makes other people uncomfortable with his odor and by getting mucus and saliva on everything. He just doesn't care.
Besides leaving and moving under a bridge, does anyone have any advice? Family counseling is out because he and my mom won't do it. I suspect he may have some dementia and so I plead regularly with my mom to discuss it with his doctor but she won't and his doctor tells me that they can't discuss his health with me.
I have no idea what to do and I'm miserable and I find myself hating the man who is my own father and I don't like the person I'm becoming. I'm angry and pissed off all the time. My patience gets worn out and I have none left.