internet predator

yabberFebruary 27, 2010

HI everybody,

Just looking for some ideas here, I'm normally on the stepfamily forum but this is more of a parent issue.

My SD13 loves to go on MSN Messenger and chat to friends. We've allowed it and kept an eye on it, till yesterday she started talking to a stranger, thinking it was Justin Bieber (some famous singing kid). This person asked her for her details like where do you live, what's your number, how old are you, do you have a bf, do you look hot?

I'm so horrified, but at least we have NetNanny as a protection so we got a report straight away and I've reported this person with the dob-in line today as well.

Anyway, my SD is not chatting anymore till we find even better protection which will allow us to customise who she can and can't talk to online.

My question is if anybody here knows of any movies on this subject? My SD13 is still giggling away thinking that maybe, just maybe, it really was Justin Bieber.. I'd like to educate her a bit more on the dangers of online predators, and maybe a movie is a good addition to lots of talking!!:-)

Thanking you in advance for your input,

Yabber

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sweeby

OMG! Thank goodness you were vigilent Yabber!

There were a few TV news specials about online predators -- things like 20/20 or 60 Minutes. I know a news station in Houston did a big feature on it -- one of the first I believe. Anyway, they all show a bunch of creepy-looking middle aged guys going to meet someone they thought was a 14 year old girl. I have to imagine some of these made it to YouTube, and I'd look there first.

In addition, I'd talk to the principal at your daughter's school. Kids her age are VERY vulnerable to these kinds of scams (boys too), and the outcomes can be heartbreaking. My son's middle school had a special program for the students about Internet safety and sexting -- a series of two or three assemblies, I think, as well as a meeting for the parents where an FBI agent come in and talk about it. There are also websites for parents that talk about how to safeguard your kids' computers -- don't know of any offhand, but I'm sure you can find them.

    Bookmark   February 28, 2010 at 10:12AM
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yabber

Hey Sweeby, guess what we saw on tv last night? 60 minutes (Australian version) and they had a report on internet predators. How's that for timing?? We've recorded it for the girls for next time they're with us.

And I forgot to say, my SD13 only gave her name and age, by then we'd caught on. While we were telling her about the dangers the chat was still up on the screen and the other person asked her all the other questions while we were standing there. So she never got to answer those, pfew. How scary huh?

I was also thinking of talking to somebody at the school, so you've just confirmed that one for me thanks! :-)

    Bookmark   March 1, 2010 at 2:46AM
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jessyf

Just curious as to what you had told her (rules of the internet highway) before she ever sat down at a computer.

I have explained to my kids that anything they type, post pictures of, or video, regardless of email, chat, text, will be online forever. Materials can be used in the future by those who are friends today, enemies tomorrow.

College admissions officials go through Facebook pages to determine character of applicants (and judge them by their 'friends' behaviors).

Etc.

    Bookmark   March 1, 2010 at 9:01AM
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forwhenitrains

Just have DD watch an episode of NBC dateline "To catch a Predator".It's on all the time and shows these guys picking up what they believe is a young girl (or sometimes boy)online and then coming to an address where they first get interviewed and then arrested!
It's very disturbing...they bring condoms,or come in naked...One guy brought rope and duct tape!!!

DD needs to be educated that anyone online can be pretending to be anyone.Start drilling it into her head!!!

    Bookmark   March 1, 2010 at 9:08AM
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yabber

Oh we are drilling away..

Before the kids went online we got NetNanny installed, this monitors all online activity and we get a report to see where they've been/what they've been doing.

First we explained to them how the protection works and we showed them a report so they could see for themselves that what they do is not private. This way we don't have to feel bad that we are checking, it's not behind their backs.

Then we made an agreement that they can use msn messenger to chat to friends, people they know, in person. We can't filter who they can and can't talk to, so we made them promise to only talk to friends.

This went ok for the last 6 months or so. We'd check the chats and they were always talking to friends. We were lucky to catch SD13 the first time she talked to a stranger, and now that she's betrayed the trust she's not allowed to chat anymore. Until we find a solution for this problem. With NetNanny we can turn the option of chatting off, so we are in control of that.

I also rang her friends' mom to inform her and warn her of what happened. Usually they get to go on the computer to do whatever there, and I've asked her to consider not letting them chat anymore. SHe got a bit of a shock as well, but better to be safe then sorry.

I'll look into the NBC series, sounds good. Thanks!

    Bookmark   March 1, 2010 at 11:56PM
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forwhenitrains

You are welcome and I'm going to check out that Netnanny,sounds interesting.This is a scary time to be a parent,that is for sure!

    Bookmark   March 2, 2010 at 1:59AM
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jessyf

(don't forget that no matter how much you monitor them at home....you can't keep tabs on them when they are at friend's or any other computer....thats why I advocate education over monitoring)

    Bookmark   March 2, 2010 at 9:40AM
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yabber

exactly Jesse, that's why I thought a movie might be a good addition to lots of talking about it.

NetNanny is an Australian program, it costs about 50 AUD. There would be similar programs in America, assuming most of people here are from America :-)
Google it or ask the question on the computerforum, there's a forum for everything hahaha

    Bookmark   March 2, 2010 at 6:27PM
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yoyobon_gw

WHY is a 13 year old allowed full use of the internet without restrictions and supervision?

You are asking for trouble and you will get it.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2010 at 8:17AM
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khandi

CyberPatrol is a good program too. It lets a parent block certain websites (porno, chat, racism, etc.). It also lets a parent control internet access for a certain period of time. For example, if nobody is home when yr child gets home from school because both parents are working, lets say from 4 to 6 pm, you can set up the program to not allow internet access until 6 or 7 pm. This way you know for sure that they are not on the internet when you're not home. You can also set up time limits for computer use.

Google search CyberPatrol and you can download a trial version.

    Bookmark   March 6, 2010 at 9:45PM
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yabber

Yoyobon said: WHY is a 13 year old allowed full use of the internet without restrictions and supervision?
You are asking for trouble and you will get it

I guess I didn't explain what NetNanny is well enough, my skids were never allowed to just go on the internet without restrictions or supervision. NetNanny is like cyberpatrol, it blocks all mature/adult content/ sex/ drugs/violence you name it. And the pages that the kids are allowed to browse are reported back to us so we see where they've been. Also we can turn the chat on/off and same for facebook/myspace etc. Or we can turn the internet access off completely for the hours that we choose.

The only issue (big issue!) is with the chatting. We cannot control WHO they chat to, only that they chat. The agreement was that they would only chat to friends, and BECAUSE we monitored it we noticed it the first time that SD13 thought she was going to have a chat to Justin Bieber. But yes, it's too unsafe, at 13 you cannot see the dangers, so no more chatting.

And CyberPatrol does look like a good program, it offers the same as netnanny.

But unfortunately I've found no movies on the subject, however the NBC series might be a good step. Thanks for all the advice :-)

    Bookmark   March 7, 2010 at 6:22AM
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Ideefixe

Net Nanny's not country specific.

Here is a link that might be useful: Net Nanny.

    Bookmark   March 8, 2010 at 12:45PM
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icedtea40

As a precaution, I share my story: My son, 18 , educated about all the horrors on the Web, was lured away by a predator on Xbox Live and started conversing with her in Oct 2011. She was out of state and 40yrs old with two boys older than him. He changed drastically during this time and kept this 'relationship' secret. She broke up with a guy in Iowa and moved here to find and be with someone in his teenage group, homeless, on Social Security and no job or one in mind. She had been communicating with his friends from age 14-19 also and, I have been told by them, hit on many of them and took their money, too. Eventually, she has isolated him completely. He will not speak to me, has told me I am not his Mother, and given up all his friends.
All this to say that ANY device that allows children to access the internet needs to be monitored. I had the computer monitored and his phone, but the Xbox....it did not occur to me that he could chat and get 'involved' there. Please guard your children, folks. The Predators are out there!!

    Bookmark   September 8, 2012 at 4:28AM
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lee676

I'd like to educate her a bit more on the dangers of online predators

Be sure you educate her about the dangers of in-person predators too. They're about 25x more common than the online variety.

    Bookmark   September 8, 2012 at 6:34AM
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dreamgarden

"My son, 18 , educated about all the horrors on the Web, was lured away by a predator on Xbox Live and started conversing with her in Oct 2011. She was out of state and 40yrs old with two boys older than him."

If this were me I'd pay a private eye to check her out. She probably has a criminal past. If she is messing with 14 yr olds then she could use a visit from the FBI.

I'd also consider asking your son's father or a male 'friend' to have a talk with her about the dangers of poaching teenage kids.

    Bookmark   September 15, 2012 at 1:29PM
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icedtea40

Thank you, Dreamgarden, for your input. Unfortunately, his father approves and is currently paying for their apartment. This 'woman' has poisoned my son's mind. Hiring a PI isn't a bad idea, especially since my son has Aspergers and is more like he is 14 rather than 18. Please, folks, this has been a nightmare for me and my family....I do not wish this on anyone out there! Prevent usage of the internet, phone chatting, Xbox and anything else connecting to strangers so your children are not swayed.....thinking it is Justin Beiber calling!!

    Bookmark   October 17, 2012 at 4:49PM
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dreamgarden

"I was also thinking of talking to somebody at the school, so you've just confirmed that one for me thanks! :-)"

If my 13 yr old daughter had spoken with someone who asked this many questions I'd contact the police department and see if they could find out who was asking the questions. It might help prevent something bad from happening to someone else's 13 yr old. Some parents aren't so vigilant. It is good that you are.

A link that might be useful:

www.surfnetkids.com/tech/1166/how-police-fight-internet-predators/

    Bookmark   November 24, 2012 at 5:07PM
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