Adult daughter leaves home

Motherof4ssFebruary 12, 2013

I'm a young mother of 4 young adults. The younger two 18 and 19 have always lived with their father. My oldest son died at 15 in 2003. So it has pretty much has been me and my now 22 year old daughter. I have been with the same man for about 17 years he has accepted my children and treat them like his own ( he doesn't have any children). I do have a relationship with all my children, but me and my oldest daughter are very close, until recently. She has moved out of the house with friends of her family. I have noticed a dramatic change in her, I feel that she is being used by the so called friends and their family. When I bring this to her attention she gets angry.she states the reason she left home is because my husband and I do not treat her like an adult we have talked about changing and understand what she wants from us, but we also feel like if you want to be treated like an adult act like one. We take her to and from work 5 days a week. We make sure she has food to eat and clean clothes. During the drive to and from work she doesn't talk to us. On the weekend end she is off we receive no calls or text, only if she needs us to take her somewhere or if she needs something. My question what could I do about this grown child.

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colleenoz

At 22 your daughter should be responsible for her own to-and-from work, laundry, food etc. You have essentially put yourself in the role of her servants, so why should she talk to the help? Treat her like an adult, let her be responsible for getting her act together, and be supportive without being an enabler.
In what way do you think she is being "used"?

    Bookmark   February 12, 2013 at 6:42AM
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azzalea

Ditto--you treat her like any other adult. You let her make her own decisions--even if they're bad ones. You expect her to be an adult if she lives (returns to) in your home--she pays board, she is responsible for her own transportation, for pitching in around the house, etc.

Think about this--IF she is in a bad situation, being used as you say, she has for some reason, chosen this over living at home. There's something she's getting here that wasn't happening when she lived with you.

Sadly, there is one other thing to consider--which I dearly hope is NOT the case. Often, in situations where a person makes a radical change in lifestyle/personality, there is a cause--could be drugs, at her age it could also be mental illness (that often hits in the early 20's). For now, probably best that you sit back and observe. Offer your support, but not criticism. Try to see her as another adult, NOT as your child who needs to still be taken care of. Good luck.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2013 at 10:35AM
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popi_gw

Let her be an adult.

You are treating her like a dependent when you drive her to work.

She should be managing her own life, at 22.

Make a break for your benefit and hers.

    Bookmark   February 14, 2013 at 1:12AM
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LuAnn_in_PA

At 22, she SHOULD be experiencing life on her own.... time to leave the nest.

    Bookmark   February 14, 2013 at 6:50PM
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susie53_gw

Mom, she wants to live on her own. Stop taking her to work, doing her laundry, seeing she has food and all the other things that are making her life easier. Let her grow up She doesn't want to live at home. Show her what it is like to live on her own She has a job making her own money, let her use it.. Will she get mad at you? Yep, but that is part of growing up.. HELP her grow up!!!!

    Bookmark   February 28, 2013 at 11:54PM
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