Kids and dating anew...

centralcacyclistJanuary 24, 2006

How have any of you handled dating after divorce? My children are young teens.

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grignon

I now make it a point to not introduce my kids until well after I've decided I'll see someone regularly. My kids are so amiable that, unless the person is a complete ogre, they'll bond instantly. Thus, when I or she decide not to pursue a relationship, the kids are left asking "How come so and so doesn't come over any more?"

    Bookmark   February 3, 2006 at 4:52PM
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centralcacyclist

That has been my policy as well. I have been dating again for a little over a year, but so far no one has become that special someone in my life. Just a few dates here and there that haven't resulted in anything long term. What is your time frame that establishes longevity? Or is it something else?

My kids are still not comfortable with the idea of mom dating. I think they will feel better if and when I meet someone and they see that their lives don't change and they aren't getting a replacement for their father.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2006 at 5:21PM
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grignon

I guess I have more of an event frame than a time frame. Definitely not before our first disagreement-discovering how we each work through conflicts is pretty telling toward the future.
I share custody with their mom on an alternate week basis. So when I have them, my social life is pretty much curtailed. Twice I invited women I had twice gone out with over for movies/popcorn with the boys. In both cases, the dating ended shortly thereafter (once my choice, the other hers-she wasn't comfortable with the kids factor) Both times the boys started asking about the absence. I just told them we weren't right for each other.
Their mom has been in a relationship for more than a year now, so I think their expectations are a little skewed about the typical progress from aquaintance to paramour.

    Bookmark   February 6, 2006 at 4:50PM
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