My dad - I know he'll never change but he brings me down
I'm 45 yrs old, married with 3 sons age 8-12-14. My dad has never liked my husband - we've been married 21 years. DH and I own a house built in the 1950's that needs a lot of work. DH has many wonderful talents - but anything handy or tool-related is NOT one of them.
My dad owns a custom home building company. He has been building houses for over 30 years. He can build or fix anything. He retired 2 months ago and talks about all the time he has on his hands. When he brought that up today, I said he can come up and fix all the little things wrong at my house. He said, "You have a husband to do that." He knows DH does not know a screw driver from a hammer, and that I do all the repairs within my range or hire someone to do the ones I can't do.
My dad is 75 yrs old and is getting more and more intollant and narrow minded as the years go on. Anyone who does not fit his definition of what a Man or Woman should be is worthless in his view. Me included - I don't fit his definition of what a Woman should be, so I'm the big screw-up of the family. He's also getting more and more negative by the day. All he wants to talk about is how the world is going down the tubes, there is no future for my kids, etc. He's also a fundamentalist Christian so we don't even talk about religion!
Anyway, what I can't get him to see is that he's only hurting ME by refusing to help DH with minor home repairs. DH and I don't have extra cash to call repair men except for CRUICAL things. I lived without a clothes dryer for a year until we could afford a service call beacuse I can hang clothes. My dishwasher has been broken 8 months but I can wash by hand, so it's not a necessity. The light switch in our bathroom has been broken a year, but we put a lamp in there instead. Little things like this would take my dad a few hours to fix or help DH fix, but he refused to do it because he doesn't like DH's career choice or his interests. Meanwhile, it's me who is hanging out clothes to dry, washing dishes by hand, etc.
I just wish I could get him to see that he is making me suffer, not DH. And how can DH ever learn to do anything handy if no one will TEACH him? My dad learned from his dad and older brothers. DH's dad called a repairman if something broke - DH never had the opportunity to learn.
Sorry this is so long - I'm just so tired of my dad being so unbending. DH works in theater production and his hobbies are singing and playing music with several groups. My dad doesn't consider those a real Man's career or hobbies. He asks all the time if DH is still wasting his time running around playing music. Dad doesn't value the arts at all. And for someone who is supposed to be such a Christian, my Dad is sure unaccepting of people who are different from him!