Help.. Single, meeting child for first time, child is 11.
Hi, i'm writing here because I don't know if I'm about to make a big mistake in my life..
In short, I'm 29 male, my son is 11. I left him when he was 1.
I built a life without him, and no one in my life knows I have a child. I talked to him on the phone for the first time, and he wants to know me, and I can't just bring him into my life.
short history: I had a very terrible relationship 11 years ago, that ended up with me banning everything associated with my ex from my life. I moved, changed my contact information.. basically wiped myself from the internet and any trail of my existence. It's been difficult but I've built a stable life for myself.. I currently live the single life, work full time, and in my 'new' life, no one knows of my past or the fact I have a son. I have nothing against my son, in my heart I wished him well in his endeavors.. after all, when I left, my ex was with a new man. They got married, bought a house, had more children. I figured my son would have a more stable life than I could provide anyways.
I escaped my ex and her family, but throughout the years she managed to get a hold of me, as to reclaim lost child support... which, is rightfully due. I finally admit to running and I started paying for child support anonymously. This is no problem to me, it is my responsibility to another life.
About 2 years later of showing my commitment to child support, my ex initiated a connection with my son, and so I agree'd. I don't think it is fair to keep me being his dad from him, so for that I agree'd.
But my intentions are not honest.. I do not have a want to be in his life.. it's not that I do not like him, but its the past I escaped from that still haunt me and although times have changed, and people have become civil.. it is not the life I tried to build for myself, and I am almost admitting defeat to my situation for the sake of my son's right to know his dad.
I know it sounds selfish, but he does want to visit, and I live with others who don't even know I have a son.. i feel i need to uproot my life and build a new home for the sake of my son to visit.. and I would do that, but i just don't know how to handle this...
The thing that puzzles me is that his mother doesn't seem to show a care whether or not i am in his life.. or whether I have good intentions or not. She seems complacent with whatever I choose to do, and whether I am talking to him or not. She reached out to me, and i went along with it.. but its difficult for both sides I guess. She hasn't asked me any questions about my life or anything.. I feel that she wants no part of our reunion, although she is his mother.. its odd.
After talking to him on the phone for the first time, I've realized I'm in no position to be a parent.. so what do I do? I'm open to critism