Ignored by adult children

missingmydaughtersJanuary 6, 2014

I raised my daughters to be independent. However, I did not think that independence would cause them to totally forget that I exist. I have the luxury of seeing my children on holidays and if the oldest needs a last minute baby sitter when the other grandparents are not available. Silly me I worked diligently along with their dad to see that they had a great home, everything they needed and then some. Always putting their wants and needs before mine. So I guess my payback is ignoring me. I think that I could die and they would not notice unless a holiday was near. I have many valuable belongings to leave behind when the good Lord takes me away. I am thinking of making sure that these family heirlooms go to a museum instead of my selfish daughters.
Anyone have any thoughts?

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emma

My estate goes to a friend and I have 2 sons, 3 sisters don't know how many nieces. I don't reward neglect and that is exactly what it is. If I am not important enough to them to call or drop by they don't deserve my money. Friends often treat us better than our own children.

    Bookmark   January 6, 2014 at 9:10PM
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jdez

I am in my 40s and very close to my Mom so I can not relate in any way to your situation. But I will say this. I work full-time and have a family and busy life of my own but my mother NEVER calls me or comes to my house to see me or my son. She will call and ask my son to spend the night about four or five times a year and thats the extent of it. I have to be the one to call her and go visit her and Dad at their house and invite her to do things with me. I just came to realize this is how is going to be with her and with my Dad and two brothers. So, I do it. I love them and I want no regrets when they are gone. Whose to say you will outlive all of your children? Maybe you should invite them over to dinner or just call them to say hi sometimes. Maybe then they would be more willing to include you in their lives. Hope yall can work this out. Sorry if I have said anything wrong.

    Bookmark   January 7, 2014 at 10:16AM
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LuAnn_in_PA

You said nothing wrong, JDez. Thanks!

    Bookmark   January 7, 2014 at 8:51PM
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popi_gw

I detect a lot of resentment building up here.

It is a waste of time being all resentful, particularly when the offenders don't know how you feel. Or maybe they do ?

Can you just talk to your daughters ? Let them know how you feel a bit left out and would like to see them more often.

Perhaps they have issues with you.

Ask them over for lunch and have a happy lovely time, and tell them how much you love them and it would be wonderful if you could all get together once a month, in the future.

    Bookmark   January 12, 2014 at 2:21AM
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nancylouise_gw

Raising your children to be independent is a good thing. Although it probably has nothing to do with it in your case I'm assuming. I'll ask the obvious Dr. Phil question...how much fun are you to be around? Do you make your kids feel it is an obligation to visit you? Your statement about giving away items seems very childish to me. They don't play by my rules so I'm taking my marbles and going home type of thing. I may be way off, but just reading your short post gave me the impression that you are a harsh person. NancyLouise

    Bookmark   January 20, 2014 at 12:08PM
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stir_fryi

missing -- call up your daughters and tell them you are making a big meal on Sunday and to please come over. Keep it happy and positive.

I see a lot of older people who sit and home and never invite anyone over yet expect their family to stop by all the time.

Or... call them up and tell them you are going through old pictures and would like to them to help so you don't get rid of anything they might want..

Just some ideas.

    Bookmark   January 24, 2014 at 8:12AM
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missesmother

So many people have the idea that those close to them are mind readers. It's very common for women to expect their husbands to "just know" when they are mad or want something. It doesn't work that way ladies! If you want something from someone, you have to tell them. They aren't likely to guess what your problem is just be cause you're sulking in the corner or giving out dirty looks. While I'm on this subject of mind reading, if you want something from your man in the bedroom just tell him. Most of them are more than happy to oblige and eager to please you. Now, back to mom, just tell your daughters you want to see them more often. If you can afford it, offer to take the family out for dinner. It's a welcome break for most busy moms to go out to dinner once in a while. Offer to take the kids for a day or weekend. You will get to enjoy the grand kids and when mom comes to get them, have a little visit with her. If you have the means pay for a vacation if the family will join you. Maybe a cottage on the beach or a ski lodge something where you are all together in close quarters for a few days. Just some thoughts. I hope it works out for you.

    Bookmark   January 29, 2014 at 3:01PM
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lucillle

Young adults are busy. Go to them- have lunch or go shopping. Or better yet, show up with a home made lasagna and a DVD, eat, watch a movie, talk. Do it a few times and it could become a tradition they look forward to every two weeks or once a month.
Some parents that have done just as you did and worked diligently to raise children sometimes forget how to enjoy themselves with new interests because they have always worked so hard.
Enjoy yourself, if life is full and you are happy, lasagna every two weeks might be perfect.

    Bookmark   April 1, 2014 at 9:26PM
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