my boyfriend's kids bad behaviour
I feel like I�m fighting a losing battle. I am a 37 year old woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 and half years. I have no kids and have never been married; however, I am an independent woman. When I met my boyfriend, his kids (both boys) were ages 3 and 5. My boyfriend and his parents are raising the 2 boys. The mother of the boys are non-existent. She basically visits once a year.
When I met my boyfriend, things with the kids were basically in shambles, they had no routine, no boundaries, and no form of discipline. Because I saw a future with this man, I devoted myself to helping him with the boys. The boys spent a lot of time at my home, I took care of them as if they were my own and I loved them as if they were my own. The boys progressed well and things were good. 6 months ago there has been a routine shift in my relationship with my boyfriend and since then the boys have now spent most of their time with their grandparents. And since that, we have constantly been fighting over the boy�s behaviour because their behaviour has gone so bad people come to me, to tell me how naughty the boys are.
Please note that the boys are now aged 5 and 8.
Most of the boy�s bad behaviour I believe stems from the grandparents. The grandparents have a huge influence over the kids - therefore they spoil the boys (because that is what grandparents normally do - spoil their grand kids) but when the kids are practically living with the grandparents it creates a huge problem in the kids behaviour. Their are no consistency with the boys and no rules/boundaries. The boys are so out of control, no one wants to babysit the boys. People are always coming to me including the day nanny, telling me how naughty the boys are. The boys simply have no manners, no sense of please, thank you or greeting at this point, no respect for other peoples things, they break furniture constantly, they lie and think its okay, cry and scream daily and more... The older one was caught stealing at school and then he lied about it. And to top it all, they are babied constantly by the grandparents and sometimes by their father. The kids act as if they are entitled and I blame the grandparents and my boyfriend for not taking control of the situation.
After all my hard work with the boys � this is what it has now turned into. When I speak to my boyfriend about my concerns, he says "there is nothing wrong with the kid�s behaviour". He believes and says that the boys are good. He does however admit that the grandparents spoil the boys but he says there is nothing he can do about that. The grandmother�s famous saying is this "Ag they just boys, boys act like that, let them be". I have 2 nephews and a neice around the same age who I take care of at times and they don�t behave like that.
I always only wanted what was best for the boys, so that they can grow into respectful, independent, resourceful young men � who can go out into the world and take care of themselves. But everything is given to them on a silver platter, they get to do whatever they want right or wrong. I have no support from my boyfriend and I am out of options. I have basically given up because I feel that it is a battle of 3 against 1. My relationship with my boyfriend is now so strained. I do love him dearly but the problem with the kids & grandparents has caused a huge rift.
What should I do please? Should I break-up with him or should I keep working at it? I am so despondent and embarrassed by all this � I just don�t know anymore.