adult children living at home

momhelpJanuary 30, 2013

Is it too much to ask my sons (22 & 23) who live at home for free, (one in college one just graduated) they have their cell phone paid, and car insurance, plus all food provided to keep their rooms clean, with no cloths thrown on the floor , bathroom clean, put their dishes in the dishwasher, and help around the house periodically and be respectful

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Not at all. Personally I think it's time they flew the coop. Why are you paying their cellphones, car insurance and bed and board? How do you envisage them learning fiscal responsibility and how to look after themselves?
Think about it this way, if you were kidnapped by aliens tomorrow and they never saw you again, would they have the skills to function as responsible adults? Time to upskill them.

    Bookmark   January 30, 2013 at 10:52PM
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I hear you and understand what you are going through. However, you did not raise your sons to put away their clothing or help around the house. They are doing what they have always done.
My daughters both do this when they come home. But the difference is they both are working and living on their own.
You have made it very comfortable at home.
Let's address the graduate. Is he working? If so, he should contribute something to the household. I would have a talk about moving out on his own in the near future. What are his friends all doing?
I see nothing wrong with kids living at home until they are ready to move out, but not at the expense (emotionally and financially) of the parents.
In your case you are starting to resent their behaviors.

    Bookmark   January 31, 2013 at 5:47PM
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Well, why on EARTH would 2 sons (ages 22 and 23) who are being treated like 6 year olds--being completely taken care of, getting everything done for them, paid for for them, etc, even consider acting like adults?

Sorry--I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but the situation screamed for the question to be reversed.

Give them adult responsibilities--expect them to pay board (even if it's $25/week, if that's all they can afford). DO NOT cook for them--they're old enough to take food from the fridge/freezer and prepare it. STOP paying their bills--if they want a car, they need to be able to afford one. If they want a cell phone--ditto. As long as they are treated as children, they are going to continue to act like them.

I'm not being harsh, just realistic--in this case, the first step has to be taken by the parent. The parent needs to decide to treat their child like an adult, and LET them grow up to be responsible and caring.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2013 at 1:24PM
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