18 year old daughter disrespectful

anakashaJanuary 28, 2009

I am hoping to get some advice. My daughter who is about 18 and a half thinks she can talk to her father and me any way she seems fit. Its very disrespectful to me and her father. I am at my wits end with her. We pay for everything for her. We pay her insurance and her cell phone bill. We also still provide her with lunch money for school, this is her last year she graduates from high school this year. Her father is telling her that she is going to have to pay for her own insurance and her own cell phone. I am having a hard time with that because I want to help her but I am tired of her talking to us both the way she is talking to us.

My problem is also her father and her fight like crazy, its a constant argument with them two. I feel like i have to be the peace keeper in the house and i am stressed from it. My husband is very stubborn and he doesn't listen well to criticism. I am stuck between them two and I know most of the time he is right and she does need to be more respectful to my husband and me, but now she is threatening to move out if we make her pay for anything.

Any advice would be great.

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I would tell her that you never wanted her to move out under bad circumstances but if she has her mind made up to go because she is expected to pay for these things then so be it. Is she planning on any type of College?

Both of my children, DS16 and DD20, have paid for their own cell phones since they got them. They have also paid for their own insurance. They knew that they would have to long before it came to be.

Outside of the occasional disagreement or butting of heads my kids are very respectful. A lot of "I love you"s and so on. Even in front of their friends. I still have a problem with how messy their rooms are but I'm trying not let it get to me so much. My DD20 and I have had that as our biggest problem.

The fighting would be hard for me to take. You did not state as to when she became so disrespectful. Has she always been that way or has it come on in the last year. Is she afraid of what she is going to do after graduation? Sometimes that can send a kid into a tail spin.

She should be expected to speak to you and DH in a kind and respectful manner. I would venture the guess that she maybe a bit spoiled. Do you have other kids?

If she is throwing a fit about paying these two expenses she is in for a real shock when she moves out. The best thing you can do for her is to let her pay her own way some before she gets out into the real world.

    Bookmark   January 28, 2009 at 5:38PM
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SHe's playing you. Ask her how moving out, if you make her pay for things, helps her. Then she'll be responsible for the whole shebang. She's just threatening you with something she knows you don't want. YOu're giving in to her as she knows you will. She's controlling you.

    Bookmark   January 29, 2009 at 11:55AM
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From what I have read, this scenario seems to be a common one.

Same thing happened at my house.

With the benefit of hindsight, I have come to some conclusions, about the time my dd was your dd's age.

She felt unloved, she felt that people did not listen to her.

Spend some "real" time with her and tell her you love and value her and are proud of her. She is still at school, final year, that is fantastic.

Try to think of her good qualities, but your DH must change a bit too, and that is probably the hardest thing to happen!!

Good luck with it all.

Maintain you good relationship with her.

    Bookmark   January 29, 2009 at 5:30PM
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My daughter who is about 18 and a half thinks she can talk to her father and me any way she seems fit.

She doesn't think she can, SHE CAN! Because you are allowing it with no consequences.

We pay for everything for her. We pay her insurance and her cell phone bill. We also still provide her with lunch money for school

So what would be her motivation for acting respectful? She gets all these things AND gets to mouth off. Great deal for her!

now she is threatening to move out if we make her pay for anything.

Ummmmm.....yeah, that'll work out for her. Rent, gas, electric, insurance, food, cell phone, clothes...... Sounds like she'd last about a week, if that.

Time for a serious sit down with her. You need to present things calmly and as a united front. She either treats you with respect, or all the things you provide for her are gone. Then FOLLOW THROUGH, because if you keep doing what you're doing now, you'll keep getting what you're getting now. In addition, she will be ill prepared for REAL LIFE.

    Bookmark   January 29, 2009 at 7:45PM
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Maria Saunders

I could use some advice. Here's my situation. My daughter is 18. We have a good relationship. Problem is I was mad cause she was hour late for curfew and of I obviously asked why. She said her and her boyfriend fell asleep. We'll this the second time this has happened so wasn't happy. So I tell her I think she needs to stay home tonight. We'll she left without me or her father knowing and stayed away for 3 days with only one I'm sorry the first day. We'll one of those days was my birthday and she texted me happy birthday and that's it. Never came home . We try and talk to her about it and she says how upset she has been . We listen then she just says I can't talk anymore. Thing weird to me is we get along so well. Tried to talk tonight and just basically argued . Any advice?

    Bookmark   March 2, 2015 at 5:29PM
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Maria -- It's best if you start a new thread for two reasons: 1) your post on this thread is "highjacking" the attention away from the original poster, which is considered impolite on forum boards; and 2) the original post is about 6 years old - many people will see that, realize the situation likely resolved itself long ago, won't scroll down to find your post, and won't post a reply.

1 Like    Bookmark   March 2, 2015 at 8:33PM
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