Son Dating Older Woman With Teen

nasus1January 2, 2007

Son aged 24 dating woman aged 31 who has a 16 year old daughter and its becoming serious. There are serious issues that can/will arise i.e. age difference, being a step parent at such a young age; providing financial/emotional support to stepchild, etc. He has lived on his own for several years. We spoke to him briefly about this and he told us its his own business. Since this could become a long-term commitment we are very concerned. How should we react? Do we tell him exactly how we feel about this situation?

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lindac

Well, since he is an adult and on his own, I would tell him of my concerns and ask if he realizes the responsibility he is taking on and ask does he feel ready etc etc....
Then stand back and be ready to be supportive and tell him that you had to express your feelings, because he is your son, but you realize that because he is an adult he will have to make his own decision.
Then get ready to love a 16 year old step grand daughter, if it comes to that.
Linda C

    Bookmark   January 2, 2007 at 3:13PM
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coolmama

I have to agree with Linda C on this one.Unfortunately,your son is an adult.Although probably not your prefered choice for your son to be with,it is his life.
Telling him not to do it anyways,may just make him want to do it more.
It may not even work out if he is with this woman.24 year old guys can be pretty immature themselves (NOT ALL,BUT ALOT OF THEM CAN BE)All you can really do is be supportive.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2007 at 7:38PM
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Vickey__MN

Another person who agrees with LindaC. Get to know her and her daughter, they may become your daughter-in-law and step Granddaughter

Vickey-MN

    Bookmark   January 2, 2007 at 9:11PM
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popi_gw

My story is...I was about 21, and I became engaged to a man that my parents did not like. They where very upset, they told me their concerns, they offered to send me on a holiday to England, I said no...they told me to move out. The move out was not happy, it was anger and sorrow.

I was on my own, I needed help, I became even closer to my fiance. Over six months things thawed out, the wedding was on track. I married, parents came, they acted happy, but I knew they weren't. Many years later, they apologised and said they were wrong. I have been married for 24 years, and its been a success. I missed out on a lot, my mother missed out on organising a wedding, shopping, etc, now we have regrets about that.

I often think of how they could have handled that situation a lot better. In my mind, now, it was okay that they didn't like him, they just wanted me to be happy, I was young. I can appreciate that position. But the anger and fued, and moving out, was very upsetting, and it could have been avoided.

So just be careful that you don't go down this road with your son. I can understand your concerns, its okay to voice them...but also say "We love you, we want you to be happy, and will support you in your decision, and welcome you wife and her daugher into our family."

It is a lot better saying this, then having arguments, and alienation about it all.

Good luck, I am sure it will be fine.

Popi

    Bookmark   January 3, 2007 at 2:23AM
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carla35

Ok, I'm looking at this differently..

Sometimes mature adults do need someone to 'help them'

This is not a teenager who is going to do the opposite that mom or dad tells them. At least I hope not.

I have a guy friend who is in a mess with a woman and I am absolutely shocked that no one in his family "cares" enough to tell him how they feel. My friend is in his late 20's and I think he thinks what he is doing must be ok because his family never says antyhing. I think a little comment or discussion from them would works wonders. Even if he wants to act like it's not their business, I think he needs, and in the long run, would appreciate their concern and guidance.

A 24 year old is mature enough in some ways.. but maybe not be so mature and worldly in many things. I find no fault into talking to your son about this. Now, there's a difference between talking/discussing and sermonizing. But if his relationship gets serious, pointing out the fact that he may possibly be responsible for the daughter if the mother's gets sick or killed, etc.. (I don't know wher the father is but I would guess at that young age that he's maynot be around at all). Explaining that children always come first and that braces trump trips, etc may not be a bad idea too. I can't imagine a 24 year old has any idea what he is getting into. I really think some guidance/education from his parents would be ok. And I think them staying totally out of it is the wrong route. If he's not mature to have a discussion with his parents about this, then he's difinately not mature enought to be a parent figure to a teenager. And, that's a huge problem for everyone involved.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2009 at 9:27AM
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khandi

It's his life. He's also been on his own for several years so he must be somewhat mature. It would be different if he was still living at home.

Since you already spoke to him briefly about it and he told you it's his business, I wouldn't say anything more about it. Get to know the woman and her daughter. You may be surprised! Why make unnecessary problems for your son by voicing your concerns over and over. Let him make his own decisions regarding his personal life.

Turn the tables around.... would you want your mom telling you what and what not to do regarding your personal life at 24? Especially after being on your own for several years! He's an adult. Treat him like one.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2009 at 3:53PM
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stargazzer

have you seen him being manipulated by her? That would be a problem. I would be glad to have an older woman as a daughter in law instead of the young things my son's married. One would sleep with a man to get a hamburger and she has grown to be very dangerous. My other one is a self absorbed mental case who blames all her bad luck on her father, when he died she transferred that dislike and blame to me. She can only be comfortable with women on welfare and she turned my son against me because I won't pay their bills. Try my DILs on for 6 months, then take another look at your son's girlfriend.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2009 at 6:48PM
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weed30

Ummm....the original post is over 2 years old ~

Posted by nasus1 (My Page) on Tue, Jan 2, 07 at 14:45

    Bookmark   April 7, 2009 at 8:54PM
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mom2emall

why do people keep pulling up all these old posts???

    Bookmark   April 9, 2009 at 9:55AM
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khandi

LOL Never noticed! You're good. Wonder what happened with her son? LOL

    Bookmark   April 9, 2009 at 9:57AM
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stargazzer

I never paid any attention to the date until your reply. LOL

    Bookmark   April 11, 2009 at 8:02PM
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