My 5 yr old son hurts other kids

beccaglJanuary 13, 2010

My son is 5 yrs old... he is an amazing kid but he has some issues interacting with other kids.... My 6 yr old niece isn't allowed to spend the night with us because my son hurts her... she told their grandfather that she really loves my son but he doesn't stop doing thing when she tells him to stop and he hurts her.... LAst night he had soccer practice and the coach pulled my husband aside and told him that another parents wanted to know what was up with our son because he is constantly pushing and tackling the other kids. We are trying so hard to get him to stop this behavior but he just doesn't get it. No one treats my son this way and I don't want him being a bully towards other kids... What do we do to change this?... we just don't know what to do....

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Is this the ONLY issue?
Or is he struggling in other areas also?

There are some kids whose physical threshholds are set differently from the norm. In other words, something that is just strong enough to register with them might be painful for another child -- so your son might not realize he's hurting another child. Is he under-sensitive in other ways as well? Like to temperature? Strong or spicy flavors?

Is it only physical roughness? Does he have a problem with empathy? Or is it emotional damage, like teasing and taunting also? Is he deliberately hurtful? Or does it appear more accidental?

Does he have trouble understanding verbal or non-verbal cues from the other kids that it's time to stop? Does he seem to understand other social cues? (boredom, discomfort, etc.)

Is it possible DS wants the other kids to go away and give him more space? Or is he sad when it happens? Is he surprised?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to understand why he does it so you can find a way to change his behavior.

One tactic you might try is called Applied Behavior Analysis. (It's used a lot in families with autistic children, whose behavior is less predictable using conventional rules. You have to try to understand the world from their viewpoints, because it isn't like ours...) Try to be very aware when he's around other children in situations where this might happen. You want to be able to write down what was happening before he acted out (very specifically), exactly what he did, then what happened afterward (who did what) and how he responded next.

After recording a few of these incidents, try to see what the common threads are.

    Bookmark   January 13, 2010 at 3:39PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Get your son to a therapist as soon as possible. A child you wants to hurt others has issues.
Is he being hurt in his home by those he should trust?
Does he see harm being done to others in the home?

    Bookmark   March 5, 2010 at 7:51AM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
College Tuition Demand Upheld in Court
Surprised I hadn't seen anyone post about this yet,...
Coping with the Estrangement of Adult Children
Sadly, my adult children and I are estranged from each...
Mothers of estranged children....part II
I thought it might ease the posting if I restarted...
18 year old daughter disrespectful
I am hoping to get some advice. My daughter who is...
parents of estranged adult children
I too have been where all of you are. I am so happy...
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™